


I'm A Slave To The Way That You Move

by ginger_with_a_black_cat



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 'cause I'm a sucker for those, 'cause everybody missed that, 'cuz she's adorable, :/, Anal Sex, Bad Boy Liam, Band Fic, Blow Jobs, Bottom Zayn, Boys Being Boys, Enemies to Lovers, Enjoy! :D, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hate to Love, I hope it's gonna be good, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kid Fic, Kissing, M/M, Oral Sex, Payzer, Sex, Take Me Home Tour, Top Liam, WWA Tour, XD, XX, Ziam Mayne - Freeform, also a ofc in the later chapters, also baby Lux, and you?, artsy Zayn, because why not?, danielle is here, idk - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, maybe otra tour as well, side larry - Freeform, slightly dominant Liam, so watch out, so we're gonna leave it here, sorry but it's needed, there will be a kid in the later chapters, ziam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-03-26 04:50:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3837727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger_with_a_black_cat/pseuds/ginger_with_a_black_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>He’s been trying to swallow the lump in his throat for days now, but it never goes away. He misses all of it, to be honest. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>The way the crowd roars as he reaches the chorus, the rush of adrenaline in his blood as thousands of people chant his name. The way Louis’ eyes widen appreciatively every time he smashes it and he whispers ‘I know him’ to the crowd. The way he looks at Niall and he’s got a dopey smile on his face, guitar hanging off his neck, blond hair ruffled with sweat and excitement. The way Harry claps his hands louder than the whole stadium, wooing at him and making him blush. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>He even misses the stoic figure on the very edge of the stage, unreadable expression on his face. Something between amazement and jealousy in his eyes that makes Zayn’s lungs clench uncomfortably. He misses the way Liam crumbles sometimes, takes off his guard and the way he flushes sweetly, or bites his lips nervously. The way he runs after a blond little girl behind the stage, lifts her up into his arms effortlessly and tickles a giggle out of both of them. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>He wants it back, but he broke the first rule. Don’t fall in love with one of your band mates. </em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back, again. Hope you don't mind. xD  
> This summary is way too long, but I don't have another one atm and I can't leave anything out 'cause it doesn't sound the same. xD
> 
> This is the one where Zayn goes to an audition for One Direction's backup singer and ends up being a band member instead (Somewhere at the end of TMH tour). Soon enough, he gets the job, moves into the famous complex with the boys. He’s singing in front of thousands of people chanting his name, just like he wanted, but the consequences of living your dream are a huge price to pay sometimes.  
> Also, Liam might be a bit of a douche, but not really. Harry and Louis are madly in love, doing a shit job to hide it like the management wants and Niall is... Well, he's Niall. Beautiful, carefree human being that everyone adores, like always. :D  
> There's hate and love again, because I loooove the tension that's always going on there. x)
> 
> The title comes from 'New Love' by Maroon 5.
> 
> Well, I hope this is going to be good and you're all going to like it. I still don't know where this story will take me, but I guess we'll see.  
> Of course, thank you for reading and please leave some feedback if you like it. :) <3  
> p.s. In advance, sorry for the mistakes. :/  
> p.p.s. I'm only posting the prologue today, but the first chapter should be coming up tomorrow or summat. ;)

Life isn't easy for anyone and Zayn knows it. He remembers how many times his parents had suffered to give his sisters and him a decent life and a decent home. He knows how many loans his father had to take so all of them would lead a normal life, like the others. It was always hard, but they fought.

Zayn always dreamed of finishing his school and getting a job. He would spare every single cent to give his parents back at least a little bit of everything that they had given him. He promised that one day, when he was older, he'd buy his mom a house. A home where his sisters would run freely around in the back yard, where his dad would come home from work and rest without children making too much noise because they would all have their rooms. Where his mom would have a big kitchen and a huge garden for all the flowers and roses that she couldn't have before.

He stared at the wall thinking about what happened a few minutes ago.

 _“There’s gonna be an audition for a backup singer.”_ Doniya had said, watching the expression on Zayn’s face change form. _“I asked Martha to get you a number and an application after she told me and we got you in!”_ She exclaimed. _“It’s for some big boyband, or something.”_

Zayn heart picked up race from only thinking about it, even if it was only a dream.

_“This is your big chance, Zee. This is what you always dreamed of doing.”_

He sighs, regretfully. Zayn knows that it will always be like this.

He's always going to be that ordinary kid from little town, that spends his days with a notebook balanced on his knees, drawing. It's a passion he's always had, ever since he was a little boy that could barely hold a notebook in his hands, but his father still sat him down and showed him. He taught him how to draw and express everything that he feels with a pen and a paper and that's what he's been doing ever since.

There will always be a pile of comic books under his bed, private collection that he spent all of his allowances on. An escape from the world when everything became too much to handle. He always got lost in the superheroes and their bravery and even secretly admired the villains. There was always a side story and a good reason where things went wrong, always a certain weakness inside of them, showing that they were probably all good once. But life is hard on everyone and some of them got lost in a dark place and they couldn't find a way out.

Headphones on his ears, music blasting while he harmonizes to a familiar tune, holding every note like a pro.

But he never was a pro, even if he dreamt of it.

He had gotten used to the idea of majoring in English, giving in to his love for books, or going to art school nearby, so he can do something that he loves and be close to home, because his family was the thing he loved the most and he promised that he'd never let them go.

But singing.

It was something that Zayn _craved_. He had spent years and years sitting in his room and thinking about it. Making a profession out of it. Filling out arenas, or even stadiums. Singing at the top of his voice as thousands of people sing along and chant his name. But it was just a dream and he was okay with it.

But now that Doniya appeared in the doorway with a filled out application in her hand and a hopeful grin on her face, he couldn't feel calm anymore. There was something in his chest that just wouldn't go away, no matter how many times he tried to call himself stupid for even thinking that he had a chance.

He knew that he had the talent that was needed for that, but he lacked the luck and a lucky star up in the sky that was never born with his name on it.

 _One Direction_ , Doniya had said.

He's heard of them. Hell, Walihya won't shut up about them and she blasts their music every single day through the speakers in her room. She nagged him for days and told him the story of how they became one of the biggest boybands in the world and Zayn has to admit, they were all like him in the beginning, kind of. And they still achieved all of that.

 _“You could be big, Zee. A proper celebrity. Take it, little brother.”_ Doniya begged. _“At least give it a try.”_

He jumps from the bed walking over to the window.

Bradford, is what he sees.

It's like there's never been a life outside of this town, for Zayn. His family was here, his friends. Everything was in this little, god-forgotten place. It chokes him, sometimes, how limited this place is and people here as well.

But he could get away if this would work out. He would be someone that he always wanted to be and he'd give everything to his family. He would get away from this ratty town that no one ever leaves because they don't know better.

He grins slowly, then. He's going to take this chance.

He slams the window shut and runs out of his room and downstairs to tell Doniya what his decision is, but as soon as he climbs down, all of his family is waiting for him with matching grins on their faces. They already know, of course.

“So... What are you gonna sing, little brother?” Doniya asks, a proud grin or her face.

Zayn rolls his eyes and goes to hug her instead of responding.


	2. I'm searching for a song tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! :D  
> Sorry for the delay, I was sick and you all know that high temperature isn't really a good friend to a computer screen. xD  
> Anyway, this is chapter 1. Title was taken from 'Maps' by Maroon 5 that's on repeat these days for me.  
> It's a longer chapter, since I was late with this, so I hope you won't mind that much.  
> Here you go, read and tell me what you think after you're done. ;)  
> See you soon, hopefully. :D All the love! <3

He hates mornings, passionately. He refuses to get out of the bed on most days without a promise of a strong coffee and silence while he tries to recover his senses. He likes to enjoy the taste after the steam disappears and it’s _just enough_ warm when takes a sip, right somewhere after his second cigarette and before a long, relaxing shower that wakes him up completely.

This morning is different, though.

There is no sunlight fighting to crawl into his room through the curtains. It’s raining outside and the clicking sound of raindrops falling against the window glass fills out the empty spaces that silence left in his room. Aside from that, it’s a so quiet. It’s been like that the whole morning and he’s thankful for it. He knows that his family understands that he needs some space and time alone before he does this.

This morning is different, because for the first time in a while, he didn’t have to go through that tradition of waking up because he didn’t fall asleep in the first place.

It’s an uncommon feeling to him, unsettling. It’s buzzes all through his body and he can feel it running through his veins. He’s nervous, instead of calm and confident.

Zayn knows that this is something that might not change anything. He could do something wrong, or say something wrong and it would all be over for him. He would go back home and everything would be the same like it was before, like he’s used to.

And he can’t believe how much it bothers him.

He wants it now, he _craves_ the life that he has the possibility of living if this dream of his happens to come true. It’s an incredible rush of emotions through his blood and he’s been trembling for _hours_. After spending half of the night in his bed, turning and pushing at the covers frustratingly, he opted for getting out of his bed and replacing it with endless amounts of coffee with his mom in the kitchen.

The tiles were cold when he walked through the hallway and down the stairs, but he refused to come back for socks or slippers. He was surprised when he found his mom in the kitchen, sitting at the table, feet propped up on one of the chairs, her head bowed down, on hand fisted in her hair and a cigarette dangling from the other. She didn’t smoke that often. In fact, she chided Zayn all the time because of the habit and here she was.

She wasn’t surprised when he walked in and she didn’t even flinch when he looked at her questionably, only grinning and offering him coffee as well.

They were mostly quiet, throughout the night, only talking about the details about his audition and his choice of music. Her tone was light and her expression and words supportive, but Zayn knew that she was going through the same thing that he was going through.

That was the thing about his mom and him. He could never explain the fact that she always felt the same way about everything that he was going through. Whether he was sick, cold, happy, insecure, hurt or even in love, she always understood and apparently felt the same. It was some kind of bond between two people that Zayn couldn’t explain even with all the words he knew. Where he was like his father physically, he resembled his mother in his heart and in his soul.

Even in thoughts, apparently, since she spent the entire night finishing every thought that he turned into words, nodding and smiling at him.

Sometime at dawn, she ushered him into his room, claiming that he needed at least a few hours asleep before he got in front of the judges. She went into her room and Zayn slipped into his, sitting by the window instead of his bed.

And here he was, hours later, still perched up by the window, listening to the raindrops instead of too many thoughts in his head.

When the door to his room opens suddenly, it breaks him out of it, making him turn around to face Doniya that walked into the room.

She looks like she had just woken up, but judging by the fact that she’s got her clothes on, hair and makeup perfected as always, it must be a while since she did. Her lips are tilted upwards in a soft, kinda sleepy smile and a high-pitched ‘ _good morning_ ’ slides from the tip of her tongue and out of her mouth, causing Zayn to smile pleasantly, despite everything.

“You’re not dressed yet.” She comments and the apology dies in his throat when she waves her hand dismissively and walks over to his closet and opens it. “You nervous?” Doniya asks as she rumbles through his clothes.

Zayn sighs.

“Kind of.” He admits shortly.

“But why?” Doniya asks, confusion evident in her tone and expression.

Zayn snorts. “Why? It’s not like my entire life is in stake.” He says spitefully, earning an eye roll from his older sister.

“You really shouldn’t be.” She states.

 _Well, I am_ , he thinks to himself. If she only knew what’s been going on through his head.

“You have picked amazing songs to perform at the audition and when I heard you sing, I knew you belong there, on that stage. Besides, it’s not ‘cause you’re my brother, but you’re gorgeous, babe. And they’re gonna pay attention to that as well. Plus,” She adds. “You have an amazing older sister that’s gonna pick out a great outfit for you.” She winks, causing Zayn to grin.

Yeah, he does. She’s a thorn in his eye most of the time, but she is an amazing sister.

“All you have to do is get on that stage and be yourself.” She continues as she comes to him, sliding a hand into his messy hair, forcing him to look up at him. “Close your eyes and sing, Zee. It’s what you’re best at and no one can deny it.” She assures. “I have faith in you. I know you’re gonna do it.”

One day, he’s gonna tell her how much he loves her for being like this, for believing in him blindly and completely. One day he’ll give everything he has to make her happy as she makes him when she talks to him like this.

“Thank you.” He says and pulls her into a hug that she returns with the same warmness as always.

“Love you, sweetheart.” She coos. “Now stop shitting your pants and go and get pretty ‘cause you’re gonna be late and I’m gonna kill you.”

Zayn laughs before he pulls back from the hug and gets up to do as she said.

 

* * *

 

 

The venue in front of the building where the audition will be held is horrifically long. Zayn thinks that this is one of the biggest crowds he’s ever seen in his life. People are shouting, singing at the top of their voice and Zayn feels that nervous feeling set in again.

He was okay when they left the house, he really was. But now it all vanishes.

He’s scared shitless, if he is being honest.

“Stop it.” Doniya chides on his left. “You’re fine.”

Zayn only sighs in response.

He can hear someone playing a guitar somewhere in the middle of the venue, but he can’t see the person that’s singing something unfamiliar to Zayn at the top of his voice. And this guy is _good_. Most of the people here are, Zayn thinks.

“Look at ‘em, Don.” He gestures to the crowd. “They’re all probably much better than I am. I have no chance of beating all of them.”

Doniya rolls her eyes.

“Shut up.” She says. “I’ve heard you sing, Zee. You can do everything with that voice of yours. I don’t think these people can do it the way you do, babe. So calm down. You don’t need to fuck it all up just because you think that the others might be better than you.”

He sighs again, not wanting to say anything.

“Now take out your number and go take your place, ‘cause it’s about to start.” Doniya says, already pulling him towards the front of the venue.

And Zayn goes, cursing himself for being an idiot for even thinking that he can do this.

 

* * *

 

 

He’s next.

There’s only one more guy in front of him and then he’s going to climb on that stage and show them everything that he’s got.

The thing is, he has no idea of who are the judges. He figures that it’s the mostly the management team of One Direction and all of those are professionals that will probably rip them all apart if they don’t do everything perfectly.

This only makes things worse, of course.

“Seventy two.” They call out through the speakers and the guy in front of him runs towards the door that leads to the stage.

The only good thing about this is that there’s not going to be any audience that Zayn has to worry about. It’s just the judges and the contestants.

Zayn can hear the guy that walked in start singing along with one of the songs from One Direction’s album. He’s good, although Zayn has heard better. And he must be right about it, since the music cut off soon enough and the guy stops singing.

That means…

“Seventy three.” Is what comes through the speakers.

He’s sure all the blood drains from his face, but his feet move without even thinking about it.

“Shit!” Zayn curses lowly as the security guy takes his hand and leads him in and through the door.

As soon as he’s inside, he takes everything in.

The stage is not big and he likes it better like this anyway. The floor creaks under his weight as he walks, but he blames it on the old hardwood floors. The burgundy-red seats where the audience is supposed to be is mostly deserted, apart from some people that Zayn tries associates with the workers and the judges. And right at the edge of the stage is the judges table, where five people sit. Zayn takes a good look and that’s when his breath catches.

Two of them are unfamiliar, probably people from the management team, just like he thought.

One of the three men that sit on the left side of those two are not what he expected to see, but he figures it was expected and he gives himself a mental slap for not thinking about it earlier.

In the middle sits no one else but Simon Cowel. From what Walihya told him, he runs the band’s record label and he was the reason that they were all put together in a group in the first place. He sits stock still in his chair, just like he always does when Zayn sees him on the TV. Everything on him looks neat and perfect, like always and despite the smile that’s playing on his lips as he looks back at Zayn and takes him in, he still gives him the creeps, if he’s being honest.

And on his left sit no one less than Niall Horan and Louis Tomlinson.

Niall has an earnest grin on his face, his cheeks flushed, like always. He’s leaning back in his chair, guitar balanced on his legs and a hand buried in the artificially blond hair. He’s looking at Zayn like he understands how he’s feeling right now and there’s something in his eyes that makes Zayn finally let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Louis has a playful smirk on his lips, like he’s enjoying the expression on Zayn’s face too much. His head is hidden away under a beanie that Zayn _swears_ he saw on Harry Styles on one of the posters in Waliyha’s and Safaa’s room. He gives Zayn a once over, nodding in approval at him and making him blush slightly as he slides into a chair at the middle of the stage.

“Good afternoon.” He says, happy that his voice isn’t thick and that the managed to conceal the way he shivers at the moment.

There is a mutual greeting from everyone and that’s when Simon speaks up.

“Zayn Malik.” He reads from the paper and Zayn nods jerkily. “Okay. Is there any change in the list of songs that you’ve prepared for us?” Simon asks him.

“No, there isn’t, sir.” Zayn responds.

Simon nods, gesturing to Niall that gets up and comes up to Zayn, guitar in his hands.

“Relax, mate.” Niall says firmly and Zayn lets out a breathy laugh that Niall returns as he slides in on the chair next to him, pulling the strings on his guitar. “We’ll do a mix of our songs first and then the one of your choice.” He explains and Zayn nods. “Just listen to the guitar, ‘kay?”

“Yeah.” Zayn sighs out and Niall gives him another reassuring smile before he starts up the song.

 _This is it_ , Zayn thinks as the guitar starts. _“_

 _Just close your eyes and sing, Zee.”_ He remembers what Doniya had said and he does.

He lets the guitar lead him, just like Niall had said.

 

_Can't believe you're packing your bags_

_Trying so hard not to cry._

_Had the best time and now it's the worst time_

_But we have to say goodbye._

 

He doesn’t open his eyes even as ‘Summer love’ switches into something just as slow, but much more deep. And Zayn has no words to describe ‘Half a heart’ so he just sings.

 

_And being here without you_

_Is just like waking up to_

_Only half a blue sky,_

_Kinda there- but not quite._

_I'm walking 'round with just one shoe_

_I'm half a heart without you._

_I'm half a man- at best_

_With half an arrow in my chest._

_I miss everything we do,_

_I'm half a heart without you._

 

He doesn’t expect Louis to grab the microphone and continue with his own solo part and it surprises him and his eyes shoot wide open.

 

_Forget all we said that night,_

_No, it doesn't even matter_

_'Cause we both got split in two._

 

There’s a grin on his face now and he’s looking at Zayn approvingly. The song still doesn’t change, so he continues where Louis left.

 

 

_If you could spare an hour or so,_

_We'll go for lunch down by the river_

_We can really talk this through._

 

There’s an amused chuckle on his side that comes from Niall, but Zayn knows it’s directed towards Louis that’s kinda looking at Zayn like Christmas came early. The song changes, though and Zayn puts that aside, returning to the sound of guitar strings playing ‘Moments’ this time.

 

_Flashing lights in my mind,_

_Going back to the time,_

_Playing games in the street,_

_Kicking balls with my feet._

_There’s a numb in my toes_

_Standing close to the edge._

_There’s a pile of my clothes_

_At the end of your bed,_

_As I feel myself fall_

_Make a joke of it all._

 

He stumbles expertly over Harry’s and Liam’s part and for the last time, the song changes into another one and it has Zayn grinning. Even though he hasn’t paid attention to their music before, he has to admit that there are some amazing songs. He harmonizes through ‘Fools Gold’, hoping it will be good.

 

_And yeah I’ve let you use me from the day that we first met,_

_But I’m not done yet falling for you._

_Fool’s gold._

_And I knew that you’d turn it on for everyone you met,_

_But I don’t regret falling for you._

_Fool’s gold._

 

He finishes and the silence cuts off the guitar and every remaining sound for a moment. Zayn opens his eyes to find Louis gaping at him and Niall shaking his head disbelievingly.

“Mate.” Louis says. “Where are you from?” He finishes with a laugh, making Zayn blush.

“Bradford.” He shrugs and says even if he knows that he didn’t mean it like that.

“Well, I don’t think we need to hear more.” Simon says, not looking at him, but going through some papers on the table. “We’ll call you to let you know about our decision, Zayn.” He lifts his head then. “Thank you for coming.”

Zayn nods, kind of nervous again. He gets up to leave, but Niall clears his throat and sticks out a hand that Zayn takes and returns the firm hold.

“Good job, mate.” Niall says, grinning. “I’m quite impressed.”

“Thank you.” Zayn gets out.

He leaves then and as soon as he’s out, he spots Doniya and moves towards her.

“How did it go?” She asks, impatient, but Zayn only shakes his head and lets out another shaky breath.

He reaches for his cigarettes and a lighter and lights up as soon as they get out of the car.

Doniya keeps quiet, but Zayn smiles at her after he takes a drag of smoke that fills his lungs perfectly and she smiles back knowingly, clapping her hands like a little child because she _knows_.

Zayn only hopes that he won’t go mad over the next few days while he waits for that phone call. He tries to shake it off, though, because he craves another cigarette and he hasn’t finished this one yet.

He fails, of course.

 

* * *

 

 

The phone call doesn’t come, at all.

And Zayn has given up on waiting by the phone. He played it cool for the first two days, tried to act like the outcome doesn’t affect him, but a few days later, he started losing his mind over it.

Now, though, he’s gotten used to idea that the phone will never ring to give him the good news.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn is in his room, going through his homework when he hears the knock on the door.

He knows that it’s his parents’ friends that are probably a bit early to the dinner. They always gather around on Saturdays at one of the houses, have drinks and chat over dinner. Zayn is not fazed by it at all. But then he hears a shriek, from Safaa and then another one, from Waliyha, a moment later.

He drops the math book he’s been holding in his hands and jumps out of his chair, running out of his room. The only thing rushing through his room that one of them got hurt or something and he runs as fast as he can. When he reaches the end of the stairs and climbs down he doesn’t see anyone hurt. In fact, the girls look happier than he’s ever seen them. He comes further in, catching his mother on the armchair and, oh. _Oh_.

Niall and Louis look the same, like the last time he’s seen them. They’re dressed casually again and their hair isn’t even styled this time. Niall’s is almost getting into his eyes, instead of being pulled into a messy quiff like before and Louis’ isn’t hidden under anything, messy honey-brown strands falling in all the right places. They look so boyish and carefree, not seeming to be bothered at all by Zayn’s unmoving younger sisters.

It’s like someone took a knife and stabbed him right in the middle of his chest. That’s what seeing them in his house right now feels like. So unexpected and _unbelievable_.

He crosses over a few meters that separate him from the living room and clears his throat when he comes in.

Everyone’s attention falls on him and Niall immediately gives him a grin, but there’s a smirk playing on Louis’ lips again that gives him an uneasy feeling. That vanishes, though, when Louis gets up and pulls him into a one armed hug, leading him back to the couch.

“Don’t die on me, Malik. I have to take you with me alive.” He whispers against the back of Zayn head and _what did he just say_? Louis laughs at his wild expression and Niall pats him on the back before Louis slides back next to him and pulls Zayn along with him to sit.

“Um…” Zayn’s not sure what to say, actually. He doesn’t want to be reading this the wrong way. He looks at Niall instead of Louis, searching for a confirmation. “Please?”

Niall nods, grinning. “So, sorry we didn’t call you before, but there were a lot of people considered for the spot and we had two more towns to go and audition.” Niall explains and Zayn nods along. “Anyway, we basically wasted two days because Lou and I knew that we found what we were looking for before you even left that stage, Zayn.” Niall tells him. “So, would you do us the honor of taking that spot?” He finishes, hopeful grin on his face.

Zayn’s whole world explodes. There is no other word for it. It crumbled and shattered into a million pieces in the past few days and now… _Wow_.

“Our other choice is some guy that looks like he stepped right out of a cartoon. He sings well, but he’s not as nearly good as you.” Louis tells him. “I swear, none of them are. And we’ve seen _a lot_ of people.”

“Tommo.” Niall chides.

“C’mon Malik.” Louis continues.

Safaa gets up, hands on her hips.

“If you say no, Zayn, I’ll cut off that pretty hair of yours.” She frets, making everyone laugh and Louis looks at her like Christmas came early.

Zayn shakes his head fondly before turning back towards the boys.

“Um…” He starts. “I really love my hair.” He says pointedly, running his hands through it and everyone erupts into laughter and start cheering.

Louis pulls him into a headlock and pets at his hair. “And the girls will love it as well. Right pretty.” He says, making Zayn chuckle and Niall shakes his head.

“First thing you have to learn in this band is that private space isn’t really an option, especially when it comes to Louis.” Niall tells him, laughing and Zayn grins.

“Oh shut up, little leprechaun.” Louis retorts, letting go of Zayn and grinning at his sisters that are still jumping around the living room. “Tell him the other stuff.”

“Look.” Niall starts. “I know all of this is a bit too much to handle at the moment and that you need some time to figure it all out, but I’m afraid you won’t have much.” He says apologetically. “You have to come with us to London as soon as possible, where you will sign a contract with our management company.”

Zayn nods because he knows that that would be expected of him.

“The contract, though, says that we all have to be close to each other at all times in case we need to go and perform somewhere and that’s why we all live together.” He looks at Louis. “Well, not exactly. It’s a complex with three flats.” Louis nods. “Lou and Harry live together and Liam and I live separate. The thing is, that there’s no space for another person at my flat and Liam has a spare room and everything.” Niall explains and makes a small pause before he finishes. “You’d have to move in there as soon as possible.” He states.

His breath kind of catches and he hears his mom going through the same. He looks up to see her smiling sadly at him, but nodding none the less. And there is a part of Zayn who wants to say no and stay, because he doesn’t want to leave her, but he knows that she would be mad at him for ruining this chance and he nods.

“Okay.” He says. “I’ll go. But… Can you tell me when?” Zayn asks. “So I know when to be ready.”

Louis speaks up. “The day after tomorrow, probably.” He says and Zayn’s lungs constrict, but Louis rubs his back soothingly like he knows how hard it is to leave his family so suddenly. “They’ll send a van or something for all the stuff that you want to carry with you and you’ll travel with us.”

“You’ll get to meet Harry, that way.” Niall pipes in and Louis nods. “He’s coming tomorrow for a signing or something. I don’t even know what we have, really.” He admits and shrugs.

“And Liam?” Zayn asks.

Niall shakes his head. “I’m afraid not. He’s abroad for a few days and he won’t be coming back for a few more, I think. You’ll have settled in already by the time he’s back.”

This is not okay. Zayn doesn’t want to impose like that. It doesn’t seem right.

“I don’t think it’s okay for me to invade his space like that without even meeting him first.” He says. “Feels weird.”

“Don’t worry. Liam already knows that someone’s moving in with him and he’s okay with it, seriously.” Niall promises.

“Yeah. Daddy Direction will be pleased with someone new to throw his rules at.” Louis pipes in, playfully making Niall and Waliyha, who obviously gets it, laugh.

“Anyway. I think that’s it for now. We’ll stay in touch about everything.” Niall says as he gets up. “But we have to go now, get ready for some appearance or summat.”

Louis gets up as well. “I hate those.” He says mournfully and Zayn raises his head disbelievingly. “It’s boring, you’ll see.” Louis teases.

That’s when the front door open and a moment later Doniya comes into the living room.

“I forgot my…” She looks up and her eyes widen appreciatively at the scene before him. “What are _Louis Tomlinson_ and _Niall Horan_ doing in my living room?” She stutters out, making everyone laugh.

“Well,” Louis starts, putting an arm around Niall. “The pretty gene obviously runs in the Malik blood, don’t you agree my Irish friend?” He teases and Niall adopts a pretty shade of red on his face.

“Welcome to the band, Zayn.” Niall says instead of responding and Zayn chuckles when Doniya’s eyes widen comically before she shrieks.

“It’s going to be a hell of a ride.” Louis says conversationally and Zayn feels like it’s a promise he’s definitely not going to break.

And after this day, he’ll spend an eternity asking himself the same question – _How is this my life?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some feedback, please? :) xx


	3. You're dramatic, but I've got time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! x  
> Sorry I'm late with this, I'm a bit occupied these days, but I still wrote this and I hope you're gonna like it. :)  
> The chapter title is from Maroon 5 again, 'Get back in my life'.  
> Sorry for all the tension going on here, it will get better, promise.  
> For the mistakes as well. :/  
> Tell me what you think, yeah? :D  
> All the love. <3

“So, I hope you like it, ‘cause you better get used to it since it’s gonna be your home for a good while.” Harry says, with a teasing tone in his voice, making Zayn grin at him.

The thing about Harry, as Niall said, is that you just can’t help but like the guy. He’s got the most amazing personality and he’s an amazing friend. Plus, you just can’t help but fall for the curls and the dimples. Niall assured Zayn that it would be the same when he got to meet Harry as well. He was right, if Zayn’s being honest.

Ever since he walked into this complex and was dragged into a crushing hug by his new colleague, he can’t help but smile and laugh at everything that this guy says. He’s helpless, really.

There’s something indescribable in the way he talks so slow but devoted to every word and gesture. There’s a slow drag of voice and the way it reminds Zayn of his own when he wakes up in the morning, still half asleep with his lungs full of cigarette smoke, makes Zayn feel kind of dizzy as the fondness creeps into his chest. Zayn’s eyes can’t help the way his eyes dart to Harry’s hands every time he drags his fingers through it, like it’s a habit that he isn’t aware of. The way his left cheek dimples a bit more than the other one as he talks about his band mates and family back home, a slight sadness in his green eyes, that he fails to cover up with a slick smile. It all makes Zayn breathe kind of easier, like a wave of calmness washing over him. And he knows that it’s too early and that he has no right or wish to feel that way for a person that he has just met, but Harry feels more like home in these moments than this complex will ever feel.

“I think I just might.” Zayn says as they walk into Liam’s flat after Harry unlocked the door. Harry chuckles at his expression, but he nods at Zayn when the black-haired boy gives him a stunned expression, like he’s saying _‘I know, that how I felt, too.’_ “Fuck.” He curses as he takes everything in, because he can’t quite help it.

It’s.

Indescribable doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Zayn has seen Harry’s and Louis’ place and it was _huge_ , but he understood since it was for two people. But one person living in a place that’s even bigger than that.

 _No fucking way_ , he thinks to himself.

The walls are plain white, filled with modern art and other pictures. There are shelves filled with what Zayn can only imagine to be all the awards that the band has won over the years. And there are _so many_ of them that makes Zayn’s chest fill with so much admiration.

He can hear Harry chuckle knowingly behind him as he goes further into the living room.

There’s a huge black sofa and black armchairs made of leather, Zayn thinks, in the middle of the room, standing out from the rest of the pale room. They look comfier than everything he had ever sat on. The wooden floors give it something traditional, though, make it feel like home and look a bit warmer.

He peaks through the door to his left and he’s met with a huge kitchen, all black and white, just like the living room.

Everything seems so _new_ and ordered that Zayn’s honestly afraid to touch anything, afraid of ruining the harmony that this place screams of.

He turns back to the living room, paying attention to the tiny set of stairs on the right side of the room that seem to lead onto the next level and Zayn doesn’t understand because Harry said that this was the last floor.

“It leads to the bedrooms.” Harry interrupts his thoughts. “Come on.” He gestures for Zayn to follow, picking up one of his bags before he can protest and heads upstairs, so Zayn follows wordlessly taking one last look at everything before he disappears into the tiny hallway that leads to the bedrooms.

There are three doors, though and he gives Harry a quizzing look, because he mentioned two and not three bedrooms.

Harry notices and explains right away.

“Bathroom for the guests.” He says, opening the door slightly before Zayn’s met with what’s probably the tiniest room in the house. It’s a small bathroom, covered in white tiles with the smaller black ones in the corner, of course. This time, Zayn rolls his eyes at the way everything has to be in perfect order as it seems.

“C’mon.” Harry voices. “Let me show you your room.”

Zayn nods and follows Harry to the second door in the row, bypassing the first one completely.

Harry opens the door and disappears into the room, Zayn in tow.

Again, he’s kind of stunned. He can’t be having this.

This bed is probably as big as his whole room back in Bradford. It’s ridiculous, really. The plain white sheets and the maroon bed covers look too expensive to even touch, less alone sleep in. And the ridiculous amount of pillows as well. Again, the wooden floors make it look cozier, home-alike.

The closet is twice as bigger than the one that he has back home and when he comes up to it and opens the door, they glide smoothly on the side, instead of creaking sound his own closet door makes when he wrenches it open.

The shelves are completely empty and Zayn smirks when he imagines filling them up with his favorite books and comics, wondering if the rest of the guys would find him a bit daft.

What catches his attention the most, though, is a framed picture hanging off the wall. It’s bloody _Batman_. It doesn’t look like a poster or a printed out pictures that he had back home, but more like the modern art pictures that he saw in the living room. Still, it makes his lips twitch up in a grin when he sees it.

“Liam is a bit of a geek, hidden away by the muscles.” Harry says fondly.

“Me too.” Zayn admits and blushes when Harry smirks at him.

“You two should get on well, then.”

“I hope so.” He says and Harry nods encouragingly.

“That’s your bathroom.” Harry gestures to the door in front of them that Zayn was looking at.

Zayn would like to stop looking like a deer caught in the headlights all the time, but he can’t quite stop since _this is where he lives now_.

Overnight, he’s moving into this unbelievably, stupidly luxurious flat and a few days ago he was living with his parents and sisters in a house that was too small and too noisy, but they managed somehow. And now he’s in this place that looks barely lived in.

The bathroom is unnecessarily big, just like he thought it would be. The shower looks like three people could shower in it at the same time, from the size of it. There’s a huge mirror with the cupboards on the side and below the white sink. It’s mostly dark-tiled, contrasting the smaller bathroom for the guests and there are two large windows on the ceiling, instead of on the sides, like he thought.

“This is ridiculous.” He voices and then turns sharply, afraid of what Harry might think, but he finds him smiling at him instead, combing through his hair with his fingers.

“I understand what you’re going through, mate.” Harry says. “We all went through the same.” He shrugs. “We all come from working class families and most of our parent struggled through life as well. When we moved in here and when we saw this place for the first time, we were even worse.” Harry grins. “Louis said ‘ _oh my fucking god_ ’ so many times that day that I stopped counting after the fiftieth. So it’s fine.” He says. “You’re gonna get used to it in a few days, I promise.”

Zayn sighs.

“It’s insane, man.” He admits. “I was no one, a few days ago. I lived in a cramped house with two children screaming most of the time and my older sister bugging me the rest of the time. We were barely getting through. And now I live here.” He gestures to everything in the room. “I have a chance to change that.”

“To give your parents something in return.” Harry says softly.

Zayn nods. “Yeah. It’s insane. Fuck.” He curses, running a hand down his face to retrieve composure.

“It is. We’re still not used to it. I don’t think we’ll ever be, actually.” Harry admits. “But look at it this way. You have a chance of making something big with your life, Zayn, and by the stories that Louis and Niall told me about you and your singing voice,” Harry raises his eyebrows and raises his hands, impressed. “I think you might end up being much, much more than a backup singer.” He finishes, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Cheers.” Zayn says honestly. “It’s what I always wanted to do, singing. And this is an incredible chance that you’ve guys given me.”

Harry nods. “It is. So work hard to have even a bigger chance than this one in the future.” He says seriously, but a smile on his lips makes Zayn grin back at him and nod.

“Look.” Harry says, clasping his hands together. “I’ll leave you to unpack now. Make yourself as comfortable as you can and if you get bored or something come at mine and Lou’s. Niall’s probably gonna be there, too if he doesn’t come here to bother you.” He finishes cheekily.

“Okay.” Zayn laughs out.

Harry comes up to him, pulling him in a hug that Zayn returns immediately.

“Welcome to the jungle, mate.” Harry says and Zayn laughs out a thank you.

With one last pat on the back Harry leaves with a smile on his face and Zayn is finally alone.

Alone.

In the house that’s nothing like his own, that has no reminders of home that he silently craves right now.

This is home of someone that he doesn’t even know yet and Zayn feels awkward, out of place. He only prays that Liam welcomes him just as the rest of the band.

He sighs and starts unpacking then.

There is no point of going through this now. He had plenty time to say no to all of this and to stay home but he chose this because this is what he wanted and he still wants it, no matter how hard he thinks it’s going to be.

 

* * *

 

 

After he unpacked and settled into his room, he turned the computer that laid on the table next to his bed and pulled up Skype, calling his family because he promised.

They were all sitting closely on the ratty old couch in the living room and they asked him a million questions, excited and impatient. His mom got up in the middle of the conversation and Zayn thinks that no one realised it but him, but he kept quiet because he knows that she had probably gone into her room to calm down.

The thing is, Zayn has never home before, especially for a long period of time. And he’s never gone far either. His mom is worried about the fact that because of the tour coming up, that he’s going to go even further from home. And he won’t visit them that often either. Even months might pass before he sees them again.

And there’s an incredible pang of pain forming deep in his chest and he can’t will it away.

He ends the call smoothly, explaining that he needs a shower and some rest from the long drive and they wrap it up soon enough.

He tries to remind himself countless times that this is what he always wanted to do and that this is the only chance that he will get in his lifetime and he manages to calm down a bit, but even that reminder doesn’t help him forget the fact that his mother is barely dealing with this back at home. And he’d love to wrap her up in a hug and calm her down with silent whispers and words of encouragement and let her do the same for him, but he knows that it’s impossible, which makes things even worse.

Sighing heavily, he gets up from the bed, heading down to the kitchen to get something to eat, but before he’s even out of the room properly and still too far away from the stairs, he realises that he hasn’t seen the whole flat. He freezes right in front of the door that leads to Liam’s room.

It’s not fair that he opens the door and checks it out. That would probably be crossing a major line and Zayn already feels like he’s imposing on someone’s privacy.

Walking into Liam’s room without his approval would definitely qualify as breaking that rule.

And he tries.

He really tries to turn away and walk down those stairs, but wait.

Someone’s bedroom can tell you a lot about that person and Zayn would appreciate a heads up since the only thing that he knows about the guy that he’s supposed to live is that his name is Liam Payne and that he is a member of world’s famous boyband, One Direction (Waliyha’s words precisely).

He really shouldn’t. Like, it’s really rude and he hasn’t even met the guy yet.

But, he doesn’t have to find out since he’s not here to see for himself. No one is, actually.

Zayn grimaces to himself for being such an idiot and remorse fills him before he even gets his hand on the door handle.

He opens the door and pushes it open slowly, but before he can even peak his head inside of Liam’s bedroom, he hears the front door slide open.

Zayn startles, even though he knows that it’s probably Niall because he wants to hang out. He flinches from the door, not even bothering to shut it closed before he stomps towards the stairs and he climbs down swiftly, going to the door to greet Niall.

When he gets to the hallway, though, he finds it empty with no trace of Niall.

Zayn’s brow furrows in confusion because he could swear he had heard the door. But he was obviously paranoid for going into Liam’s room.

He rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue, annoyed before he turns around to go for the glass of water that he intended to get.

He doesn’t get far when he slams into another body.

Zayn eyes widen appreciatively and the curse that he was about to spit out die in his throat when he finds someone that’s definitely not Niall looking back at him confusedly. And he doesn’t look even remotely like Niall.

He wishes he had paid more attention when Waliyha was showing him pictures of the boys, but he can swear that she was so keen of showing him how they looked at the very beginning of their careers, that he got bored after a while and got up and left the room before she could show him the other stuff.

He wishes he did, because he should have been warned that Liam is sort of an angel that looks like a damn _sin_ and he doubt that there’s a believer strong enough to resist him.

There’s no trace of those honey coloured curls, or the boyish look that he remembers from Waliyha’s posters. His hair is a lot shorter now, buzz cut almost ruined on the sides and completely replaced with thick, longer strands on the top. Shoulders that were mostly hidden by clothes on the fan-taken photos that he saw don’t look even close to the wide, broad shoulders that he can see as an outline through the thin shirt that he’s wearing. And Zayn considered him shorter than him, but he stands a few inches taller.

The smooth skin on his face is half-hidden away by the scruff that looks too soft than it probably is, making him look slightly older and Zayn tries to will away the word _mesmerising_ from his head.

Those eyes though. Zayn can’t quite describe them.

He feels kind of stuck under the weight that the look in them provides. They’re impossibly brown, a shade lighter that his hair, soft and pupils wide and interrogating, almost covering the tiny yellow spots scattered over the brown shades.

If he ever wanted to paint them, Zayn’s sure that none of the colours in his palette would suffice.

They’re the same like on the pictures, but somehow much, much more beautiful. They’re crinkled on the sides, even if he isn’t smiling and they give Zayn an uneasy feeling as they shrink when his brow furrows in confusion and those plump, burgundy lips form a frown.

“Who are you?” Liam asks. It comes out unsure, tentative, like he’s afraid of the answer and he’s not used to seeing a stranger in his home.

 _Which he’s not, of course_ , Zayn thinks.

“Um...” Zayn tries, but he can’t quite get it out. He’s not even sure what to say because he thought that Liam would already know who he is.

Liam gives him an inquiring look, slightly annoyed when Zayn won’t speak up after a beat.

“Look.” Liam says. “Are you a fan? I’m not sure how you got inside my flat, but that’s kind of illegal, mate.” He points out and Zayn fights a smile.

Liam thinks that he broke into his home because he wanted to meet him.

“You can’t be here.” Liam adds. “I’m gonna let you walk away now and I won’t call security.” Zayn actually grins this time, not able to stop himself. Liam looks a bit taken aback, but Zayn can feel his lips twitching up as well. “What’s funny?” His voice is a bit hoarse and Zayn can see that he’s nervous by the way his fingers keep twitching on his sides.

“I’m not a fan.” Zayn says.

Liam nods slowly, like he’s not so sure about that and he’s slowly processing the other options, but before he can think something stupid, like Zayn being a thief and before he calls the security, he speaks up again.

“I’m Zayn.” He says, extending a hand to Liam.

He watches as Liam’s expression changes. It goes from confused and stunned to something hard and unreadable. It makes his stomach flip as anger fills up Liam’s eyes that darken as soon as his jaw clenches and he lifts his chin up defiantly and furrows his brow, looking down at Zayn.

“I’m...” Zayn tries but Liam interrupts him.

“The backup singer.” He states, not taking Zayn’s hand and standing his ground firmly.

Zayn takes his hand back lamely, shrinking under Liam’s tone. He nods in response, choosing to stay quiet.

Liam’s anger doesn’t go away.

“You settled in already?” Liam asks.

“Yeah.” He doesn’t even finish before Liam’s talking again.

“Look.” He switches his weight from one leg to another, crossing his arms over his chest before he speaks up. “It wasn’t my choice or my wish to get a backup singer, but since no one gives a fuck about what I think you’re here.” Zayn sucks in a sharp breath because _what_? “What bothers me even more is the fact that you didn’t even have de decency to wait until I come back to invade my home.” Liam growls.

Zayn was never one of those people that kept quiet when someone was being rude to them and this is one of those cases.

“Harry said that...” He tries, but Liam snorts and interrupts him again.

“I don’t give a shit what Harry said. He was just being nice to you.” Liam spits.

“And you’re certainly not.” Zayn retorts sharply and Liam looks a bit surprised but it goes away quickly.

“You think I should be nice to someone that was imposed on me by management and neither you nor I can say something about it? You want be to be welcoming and happy when I didn’t want this in the first place?” He shouts out, hands open wide challengingly.

Zayn actually laughs and facepalms which only seems to rile Liam up even more.

“Why the hell are you laughing?” Liam asks impatiently.

Zayn shakes his head. “I knew one of you had to be a dick.” He admits. “I just didn’t know I’d get to live with him.” He spits out.

Liam facepalms now and sighs heavily.

“But I guess we’re stuck like this right now.” He adds, making Liam look up at him.

“Don’t think this is going to change, though.” Liam says thickly and Zayn nods jerkily because he figured it would be like that. “I don’t care how much you’re likeable to the others or how good you are, I don’t want you here.”

Zayn smiles sadly.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, either.”

“So go home, then!” Liam shouts.

“No!” Zayn shouts right back. “I’ve wanted this my whole life and if it means that I have to put up with such a bloody idiot like you on a daily basis to have it, I’ll do it. So suck it up.” He finishes firmly and mirrors Liam’s position and expression from earlier.

They stare at each other like that, unmoving, until Liam huffs out an annoyed breath and turns around, walking away furiously and leaving Zayn alone.

Only then is when Zayn breaks.

He fights the furious hot tears that are fretting to fall and the impatient scream building up in his chest, because he has to calm down.

 _It doesn’t matter_ , he keeps repeating to himself until the words completely lose their meaning and until he rushes into his bedroom.

He slides under the bed covers and breathes harshly into the pillow until his breathing evens out and his heart doesn’t feel like it’s going to jump out through his mouth.

He grabs his pack of Marlboro’s and emerges from the bedroom onto the balcony, chain smoking until Liam’s words sting a little less and until sleep overpowers him and he has to go to bed.

 

* * *

 

 

They’re in some studio and Zayn didn’t even bother to remember the name because he was too busy trying to crawl through the sea of screaming fans.

It baffles him, how famous the band is.

He can’t believe how many people would actually come and see them entering a building for two minutes, only so they could leave after they disappear behind the door. It’s unbelievable, frantic. He even felt scared at one point, but a soft touch of Louis’ hand on his shoulder urged him inside quickly before he could freeze in one place and get run over by a thousand of girls.

They’re getting ready for his introduction.

Paul explained to him in the car that it’s not usual for them to introduce new people in the crew, but since he’s going to be on the stage, only a few metres away from them, the public is probably going to as too many questions about it and it’s better that they solve it before the fans raise another storm.

He’s nervous as hell, to say the least.

The only thing he’s thankful about is the fact that it’s not in front of any audience yet, because he’s not sure that he’s ready for that.

Harry promised that they’re only going to make a short announcement video for the fans and that they’re all going to sing one song together, but that’s it and Zayn breathes a little easier since the conversation. He was always qualified as communicative person in between his friends, but larger group of people, especially thousands of them in a filled out arena make him cringe a little, shy away from the slightest idea.

Niall promised that it’s the best feeling in the world, but it’s easy for him since everybody actually likes him and he’s been in the spotlight for a couple of years already.

Zayn feels kind of trapped between four bodies, hand holding up the hat with the papers with the boys’ names on it, like it’s all some kind of joke.

And Zayn doesn’t look up even when Liam’s eyes burn a hole in his skull or when Louis urges him on to pull out the damn paper. He just sticks his hand into the hat and pulls out a paper after he prays that Liam’s name is not on it.

“Here we go, then.” Louis says as Zayn unrolls the small piece of paper.

It’s kind of nerve wrecking and it’s just a stupid announcement, but he still shivers when he reads the name.

_Niall._

He sucks in a sharp breath, but it’s all from satisfaction that it’s Niall. Because he’s one of the best in the whole bunch and he won’t fuck up the first time that Zayn’s name pops up in the media.

“’S Niall.” He croaks out, voice a little bit thick with relief.

Louis snorts. “’Course it’s the Irish lad.” He says and Harry giggles next to him, almost drowning out the next part. “You’re a lucky man, Malik.”

Louis grins at him and Zayn pats him on the back and grins back before they’re ushered on their spots on the set.

Zayn sits all the way left from the rest of them and tenses a little when Liam slides into the seat next to him, Niall, Louis and Harry in tow.

They look like they have been doing this since the day they were born, so natural and effortless.

Zayn, though, feels awkward and slightly out of place, but Louis promised that he’ll get used to it.

He doesn’t even realise when Niall started talking and when the whole thing started, but when he does, he gives all of his attention to it, willing away the nervous energy.

“This is another announcement we have for you guys.” Niall says to the camera, the others nodding and smiling and Zayn watches the way Liam fakes all of it, fighting an eye roll. “We have another member of our crew here that’s going to take in the space of our backup singer, so we sound a little bit better or a replacement in the times of need. He has an amazing voice and he’s an amazing mate, so we’d like your full support on this. Please welcome him like we did. I present you Mr Zayn Malik!” Niall exclaims and the other lads turn to him at the same time as the camera and Zayn actually forgets about it, smiling sincerely at Niall and laughing slightly the way Harry claps his hands goofily.

He waves at the camera shortly, letting a nervous ‘hello’ slip out before Liam’s talking and Zayn wasn’t expecting that.

“Zayn here won’t be joining us on the set, but he’s going with us on the American leg of the tour.” He says to the camera and Zayn tenses a little, his breathing kind of ragged. “He’s going to practice a little bit with us, so when we start up our next tour, he can be there with us.” Liam finishes in a playful tone that is definitely for the fans.

“Yeah.” Louis continues and this is when Zayn notices that all of them have to say something about this. “But we don’t wanna leave you hanging, so we’re going to give you something to work with here. Zayn’s going to sing with us today, so we can all enjoy it before it’s all due to be happening all the time.”

Harry mumbles something about tickets and sales before he says: “Here is ‘Little things’, enjoy!”

The music starts up then and Zayn swallows thickly before he calms down to the sound of guitar.

Singing. This is what he knows, what he can do and no one can take it away.

Again, he lets Niall’s slow pull of the strands on the guitar calm him down before he starts up.

 

_Your hand fits in mine,_

_Like it's made just for me._

_But bear this in mind,_

_It was meant to be._

_And I'm joining up the dots_

_With the freckles on your cheeks_

_And it all makes sense to me._

 

Liam takes over immediately, chasing his own lyrics, but it’s not long before Zayn joins him into the chorus, noticing the way Louis looks at him proudly.

 

 _But I'll love them endlessly_.

 

Liam shoots him a look, like he wasn’t really expecting Zayn to take over there, but it’s not anger that Zayn was expecting. It’s something unreadable and makes Zayn’s chest constrict when their eyes meet before Liam’s expression turns back into the same one from before, just for the cameras.

 

_I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth_

_But if I do, it's you,_

_Oh it's you,_

_They add up to._

_I'm in love with you,_

_And all these little things._

 

They finish their part and Zayn can see the way Liam swallows thickly just before Louis takes over with his part.

Zayn feels kind of dizzy, the way his heart beats fast to the memory of their voices harmonizing together. Because even if they’re act like hell towards each other, Zayn can’t help but think that Liam’s voice sounds like heaven intertwined with his own.

And he can’t wrap his mind around it.

Zayn joins them one more time in the end of the song and soon enough they’re waving at the camera and smiling and that’s the end of it.

As soon as someone shouts ‘ _cut_ ’, Liam is the first one to jump out of his seat and storm out of the room, but the rest of the boys hug him tightly and Zayn can’t help but smile.

All they have to do now is wait for the video to get posted on the Internet and see the reactions of the fans.

And Zayn trembles with anticipation.

 

* * *

 

 

On the ride home, everything is chaos and adrenaline, but Zayn figures that it’s always like that with these boys.

They shout and laugh to some story Louis tells them and sing loudly along with the radio while Paul smirks at them from the front of the van.

Liam is the only one that doesn’t say anything. In fact, he doesn’t move a muscle, choosing to spend the entire ride looking out the window and he ignores them completely.

And no one says a word about it, or the fact that Liam is the first one to jump out of the car and storm away into his flat without a word to anyone.

By the time Zayn comes inside, all the lights are off and there are no signs of Liam and Zayn is thankful for it because he can’t handle it at the moment.

He goes upstairs and falls into his bed, slipping into his slumber a few moments later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments? :D Love you all! xx


	4. Never ending, kinda run around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babes. :* :* :*  
> I'm sorry this took so long, seriously.  
> It should have been on at least a week ago, but I had no inspiration this week, so I couldn't even get a word out.  
> Here it is, though. :) I sat down yesterday and I thought of stopping somewhere at 3K, but I said fuck it and wrote 2K today, so here's a 5K chapter that I hope you'll like. :)  
> I have made a plan for the rest of the work, too, so it's only matter of time for me to sit down and write it 'til the end.  
> Please tell me what you think and I'm grateful and motivated for any kind of feedback.  
> Love you all! <3

Zayn likes his sleep. He’s addicted to it, actually. That’s why it takes forever to get out of bed every morning.

He likes to spend another hour tossing around the warm sheets, getting accustomed to the light that keeps pouring into the room, trying to take this away from him, this calmness that keeps him on the edge of the sleep more than it’s probably necessary.

_Just a little bit more_ , he keeps telling himself.

He blames this tiredness on the past week.

It’s been a week of endless meetings with the band and their management team where they mostly talked about thinks that Zayn didn’t even understand. A week of getting him prepared for what’s about to come on his first show with the band so he doesn’t end up looking like a doll, stock still and mouth agape throughout the concert.

The most exhausting thing, though, was the legal side of all of this. The management team spend hours going through his contract while he sat on a chair in the corner trying to will away the headache and concentrate. There was just too many rules and legal issues about this and Zayn never imagined it being this hard and complicated.

He has much more respect for celebrities and their problems now that he had to go through all this torture.

And yesterday Harry told him that that isn’t even one of the worst things about this job.

Quite comforting he is at times.

Zayn pushes the bedcovers off his body, turning on his back. He sighs happily as cooler air dances over his skin, making him feel much more awake than he was a minute ago. He blinks a few times, growing accustomed to the light as the other memories seep in.

Living with Liam isn’t as hard as he thought, due to the fact that even if he expected Liam choking him to death at some point out of pure boredom, Liam almost doesn’t acknowledge him most of the time. He acts like Zayn isn’t even near and like he doesn’t live in the same house with him.

And it’s a pang of guilt in Zayn’s chest that he doesn’t even know where it’s coming from. But he can’t shake it off.

He tries, though. He keeps giving Liam a taste of his own medicine, ignoring him most of time, even if it’s hard.

Zayn’s lucky because of the others, to be honest. Niall spends most of his time on his couch with Zayn, eating endless piles of junk food, talking him through everything he has yet to learn about performing in front of a big heart.

Louis, a constant tornado of loud laughs and furiously bright personality, spends all of his free time, curled around Zayn on his sofa, watching all the stupid movies he can think off.

Not that Zayn minds.

Louis _knows_. Louis is doing his best to make Zayn have smallest bits of time to brood around an empty house while the rest of the world keeps moving.

And Harry, he spends hours and hours on Zayn’s balcony with him, completely quiet and almost unmoving. He gives him company, while giving him space too. He sits through all of Zayn’s smokes, even on a cold day and jerks his head and smiles every time Zayn starts humming a familiar tune.

This band is _home_ and _comfort_.

And Liam can be an asshole for the rest of eternity, but he’s not going to change that.

He slowly lifts himself up, crawling out of the bed. He craves strong coffee and morning cigarette before his breakfast. A lot of people say that it’s unhealthy and it should be done the other way around, but Zayn doesn’t care. This is how he’s been doing it for years.

He’s putting his clothes on when a shout interrupt his thoughts.

Confusion clouds his mind, because Liam and the boys don’t have such high-pitched voices.

“I don’t care!” The voice shouts again and okay, that’s a woman.

Zayn wonders if it’s one of Liam’s sisters or his mother, even if the voice sounds too childish to be his mom anyway.

He pulls on a par of loose black sweatpants that hang low on his hips and a grey T-shirt that he’s sure that he nicked from Louis and goes to the bathroom before coming down to the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

 

He’s barely down the stairs when he catches a glimpse of what’s going on.

The woman that was obviously shouting a few minutes ago is young and she looks nothing like Liam, so Zayn discards a possibility of her being one of his siblings.

She’s pretty, Zayn can tell, but there something in her expression that makes her look gross, wrong.

Her hair is disheveled, one hand buried in it, like it’s the only thing that’s keeping her together at the moment. Excessive amounts of makeup on her face make her look older than she probably is and Zayn scrunches his nose at the thought because he hates that.

The navy-blue dress shows off her slim figure, hugging her body perfectly and yes, she’s pretty, but she looks like it takes a lot of effort to pull it off.

Her stance is… _disgustingly_ _over reactive_. Hands on her hips, leaning forward in a challenging way, it all seems like too much.

And Liam?

He stands in front of her, arms crossed defensively as he stands a few inch taller than her on her heels. His head is bowed and he’s glaring at the ground instead of her.

“Liam.” She speaks up, annoyed tone in her voice that Zayn cringes at. “I don’t care how much stuff you had on your mind, or how busy you were this time.” She spits. “I don’t care that you bail on me, because that’s what you do all the time, lately, and I got used to it.” She throws her arms in the air exaggeratedly. “What hurts me is that this show was important to me and you didn’t come even if you promised.”

Liam looks up suddenly, looking hurt and sad. It’s the first time that Zayn had seen him like this.

“I’m sorry.” He tells her.

“I don’t give a shit if you’re sorry or not. It doesn’t change anything.” She retorts.

“I don’t control my schedule, Danielle!” Liam shouts and that’s familiar. “There’s nothing I c…”

“You don’t control anything about your life.” She interrupts again, stopping her pace and turning around to face him.

Okay, this is enough of drama for him, Zayn decides.

They’re fighting, there’s no doubt.

And Zayn doesn’t want to witness this, or get involved in something that is none of his business and that’s why he takes a step back, but before he can fully disappear behind the wall, she looks up at him and _shit_ , there’s no way he’s gonna go unnoticed.

“Spying on other people’s conversation is rude, haven’t you heard?” She spits at Zayn who stops in his tracks when Liam looks up at him as well.

“What are you doing?” Liam asks him.

“Shouting at the top of your voice at someone while other people are trying to sleep is also rude.” He retorts, ignoring the question and the way Liam’s eyes widen.

“Who the hell are you?” She asks and Zayn _needs_ a coffee so he climbs down the stairs, heading towards the kitchen.

“None of your interest.” He says just as Liam says: “The backup singer” and then turns to Zayn furiously.

“She’s my girlfriend, you idiot. Have some respect.” He orders and hugs her close when Zayn passes them on his way to the kitchen.

“I don’t give a fuck. I give what I get.” Is the only thing he says before disappearing into the kitchen.

He hears some shuffling and then the front door open and slam closed a second later.

After a second Liam peeks his head in the kitchen.

“You’re a jerk.” He says, glaring at him.

His cheeks are flushed and his eyes blaze with some kind of energy that leaves Zayn kind of breathless and speechless at the same time. It makes his heart beat loudly against his ribcage and he chooses to stay quiet this time, not wanting to show Liam any kind of emotion.

Zayn turns to him from where he’s leaning against the counter and smiles humorlessly at him instead of responding, which only infuriates Liam more and he turns around and stomps out of the room, cursing under his breath and leaving Zayn alone.

And he breathes, or tries to.

This tension between him and Liam is almost unbearable and he wonders how long it’s going to be before someone breaks.

And why does he have a feeling that he is already seeing the holes in that wall he built between them?

 

* * *

 

 

“You said that to Dani?” Louis asks for the twentieth time before her bursts into a hysterical laughter one more time, Niall in tow.

Zayn looks at them amusedly from where he’s sitting on the sofa in Harry’s and Louis’ flat, not understanding what’s so funny about the whole situation when he finds it so annoying.

Harry slides into the seat next to him, offering him a can of beer that he gratefully takes, nodding his thank you.

His curly friend shakes his head fondly to the mess that Louis and Niall are making on the floor as they toss around and cackle like two kids in primary school would do.

“The thing is,” Harry starts. “Danielle has been Liam’s girlfriend for a while now. And he thinks that they’re still in that faze of being in love and being happy with no reason at all.”

“Thinks?” Zayn interrupts and Harry nods before continuing.

“Yeah, he thinks that. But it’s not the case. The only think Danielle loves about him for a while now is his fame and the popularity she gets being his girlfriend. And Liam,” Harry sighs. “He loves the idea of being the level-headed one in the band. The one that’s in a stable relationship with a girl that everyone will approve off. Unlike us.” Harry finishes, shrugging while Louis and Niall nod from the floor, agreeing.

“What’s the story about you?” Zayn asks, grinning. “I mean, in the papers.”

Louis snorts from the floor. “If we looked for someone who knew more than just our names, you definitely wouldn’t have gotten the job, Malik.” He says making everyone chuckle. “Good thing you were pretty enough to pass, though.”

Zayn rolls his eyes, about to respond when Harry speaks up again.

“Well, I’m the womanizer, sleeping with hundreds of women every year. Louis is the bitchy asshole with a girlfriend and Niall is the virgin of the band, forever alone and untouched.” Harry says.

Niall scoffs. “They don’t know how that girl back in Ozzie took my…” He doesn’t finish because Louis is climbing on top of him again, muffling every sound Niall makes and shouting something about Niall being just a baby and not being allowed to talk about profanities.

Harry shakes his head fondly while Zayn looks at the amusedly.

He thinks he could never grow tired of this. As a boy who grew up with three sisters, he sees the benefit of all of this. These idiots could end up being the brothers that he never got to have if he stays long enough with them.

“The two of you will be fine with time. Liam is just having problems excepting what’s going on, that’s all.” Harry says and shrugs. “In the end, I think you’ll get along better than all of us do, when you’re so much alike.” He teases and Zayn rolls his eyes.

“I am nothing like that little fuck.” Zayn retorts. “I would never act like him if the roles were reversed.”

“Still, something’s going on with him and he’s not telling anyone what it is. Give him time.”

“I’ll give him a slap across his stupid face.”

Harry laughs. “Or that.” He says.

Zayn sighs in response and cuddles closer to Harry on the sofa, letting Harry’s warmth calm him down a bit. Harry hugs back, resting his head on top of Zayn so that his curls end up tickling his forehead, but he doesn’t mind.

He closes his eyes and tries to convince himself that all of this was worth leaving home for.

 

* * *

 

 

He takes back everything he said about Louis and Niall.

They’re a menace, a hazard to society.

If he could get to them right now, he’s sure that he’d choke them to death if Harry wouldn’t get to him on time.

Because seriously.

How mature can you actually be to do something like this and still consider yourself a grown up person?

Zayn remembers walking through the hallways that led to the dressing room, thinking about his first performance with the band. They had an interview in Manchester and a short performance later where Zayn joined them.

It was a blast, a supernova.

He kept his eyes glued on the crowd while they still couldn’t see him and recognize him from where he was sitting in the first row. It was like magic, how they looked at the boys, smiled and cried of happiness for no special reason. He couldn’t quite understand what was going on.

And the guys, they were a bit different tonight and Zayn realized that you have to have an extra personality in this job, one that’s likable and pleasant for everyone behind the cameras.

Niall kept glancing at him from time to time, probably making sure that Zayn got everything right and that he was paying attention. But also comforting, soft smiles that curved around the edges of his eyes down to the corners of his lips and Zayn found himself breathing again.

When they finally got on the stage and Zayn followed them and sat on Liam’s left side, on a chair in the corner of the stage, he could feel Liam tense and he saw the way he glared slightly, forcing himself to smile to the audience when he was clearly annoyed.

Zayn didn’t care, though. He was too caught up by the fact that he could hear people shouting his own name in between the boys’ and he found himself blushing at the attention while Louis and Harry gave him cheeky smiles.

What also came, were some serious profanities aimed at him. There was a chain of _oh my good look how hot he is_ or _I’d climb him like a proper tree_ and even some _‘fuck yeah’s’_ as he climbed onto his chair shakily.

He ran a hand over his face to calm himself down, but he couldn’t stop the way his cheeks caught on fire.

What caught his breath, though, was none of that.

It’s was the smirk that Liam was wearing on his ridiculously pink lips when he glanced at Zayn who looked away quickly because he _can’t_ deal with this right now.

They went with _Little Things_ again and Zayn loved it because it got stuck in his mind ever since he had heard it for the first time.

After the show Zayn sneaked out for a fag while the others took off to the dressing room. Zayn enjoyed his first cigarette in _hours_ before he finally went inside to join the others.

He didn’t get far.

On his way there, two pair of hands grabbed him tightly and he only had time to see who it was (Niall and Louis, laughing manically) before he was pushed into a broom closet and locked in a second later.

He tried yelling for help, he tried pleading that they let him go, tried reasoning with them, promising that no, he won’t cut off their limbs. Nothing helped, though.

After they laughed uncontrollably for a minute or two, in front of the door, they ran away, leaving Zayn completely alone in a small confined space.

And here he was, in the same broom closet, half an hour later.

He didn’t understand why anyone hadn’t come to look for him, but that’s probably because the two bastards told them that he was somewhere else.

Seriously, he could kill both of them now.

He spends another five minutes trying to think of a way to get out when he hears the footsteps and hushed voices coming closer.

“Do you think he’s still here?” It’s fucking Louis. Zayn is going to kill him.

“I don’t know. I don’t give a damn about his whereabouts. I just want to go to bed.” That’s Liam.

Zayn really doesn’t want to ask Liam for anything, but Louis is not going to let him out other way, so he gets up from where he was sitting on the floor and comes up to the door. When the footsteps become louder, he bangs his fist on the door, calling out for them.

“Hey! Louis, you bastard. Open up!” He shouts.

“What the hell?” He hears right in front of the door and then: “What did you two do again?” From a very annoyed Liam.

Zayn can hear Niall and Louis chuckle in front of the door just as Liam twists the doorknob, but the door won’t open.

“The key, Louis.” Liam orders and Zayn can imagine his face right now. Brow furrowed in anger and confusion, arms and shoulders tense, his weight mostly on one leg and one arm stretched impatiently.

“C’mon Payno, we were just playin’. Chill.” Louis says.

“The key.” Liam repeats, firmly this time.

There’s a collective sigh on the other side of the door before Zayn hears shuffling and the keys dangling just before Liam unlocks the door swiftly and wrenches them opened.

Zayn’s breath kind of catches in his chest from this sudden look in Liam’s eyes.

There’s worry in them, Zayn can tell by the way his eyes are wide and his pupils blown. He’s wearing a frown on those gorgeous plum lips and his arms twitch for a second, like he wants to reach out and touch Zayn to make sure that he’s okay.

“Are you fine?” Liam voices and Zayn swallows thickly, hearing the uncertainty in his tone, bud he nods in the end.

Liam looks him up and down, as to make sure that he’s not hurt or something and Zayn feels naked and unsecure.

It’s just for a split second, though. As it came, the expression on Liam’s face is replaced by the annoyed one again and Zayn snorts at the other man.

“C’mon, get out.” Liam says. “Unless you wanna spend some more time in there where these idiots put you.” He says conversationally and Zayn glares at him, taking the first step.

But, because faith is a bitch and so is Louis Tomlinson, Niall and he use their strength to push Liam forward until he stumbles inside of the closet and they push the door closed and lock it before Zayn or Liam can do something about it.

“Hey!” Liam shouts as he pushes at the door and hits the hard surface with his fist. “Louis, open the damn door.”

“No.” Louis scoffs from the other side while Niall cackles next to him.

Zayn only sighs and leans his head against the wall on the opposite side from Liam.

“Louis.” Liam warns.

“No. We’re two idiots, we don’t know how to open this door.”

“I’m going to murder you.” Liam says, nodding furiously even if Louis can’t see him.

“When someone comes and opens this door, you can try.” Louis retorts and Zayn would laugh at this if he wasn’t about to spend even more time in this tiny space and with fucking Liam Payne.

“C’mon, Louis. It’ll take forever for someone to find us and I want to sleep.” Liam sighs, leaning his head against the door. “Quit dicking around, mate. It’s not funny at this point.”

“It’s plenty funny.” Niall adds in and he and Louis laugh again.

“Zayn can try and hold you up while you take a nap in there. Bye Liam.” Louis says and Zayn can hear them walking away from the door while Liam hits against the wood again and again.

Zayn glares at the door before sighing again. He wants to sit on the floor like he did before, but it’s impossible now that Liam’s with him inside of the closet.

Liam, right.

“Did you seriously spend half an hour in here doing absolutely nothing to get out?” Liam asks, annoyed.

Zayn looks up to glare at him.

“There’s nothing you can do.” He spits. “They still haven’t shut off the music on the stage and the backstage is still crowded and noisy as hell so it will be a bit hard for anyone to hear you even if you shout your lungs out.”

Liam looks a bit taken aback by the answer, but he doesn’t flinch at all.

“Oh come of it. You could spend an entire week in here and it wouldn’t make a difference.” Liam says and Zayn straightens a bit, facing Liam properly now.

“What does that mean?” He asks.

“You don’t do anything anyway.” Liam says, spreading his arms a bit and failing since there’s no space. “You lay around all day in your room, smoke endlessly on the balcony and you drink ridiculous amounts of coffee. That’s all you do. Nothing.”

“The reason I don’t come out of that room is because I don’t want to see you.” Zayn says.

“Well I don’t want to see you, either.”

“Why?” Zayn breaks. “What the hell have I done to you?”

Liam laughs, dragging a hand over his face like he can’t believe he’s in this situation with Zayn.

“I don’t want you here.” He states.

Zayn tries to ignore how it burns to hear that even after hearing it so many times.

“Yes, I can see that. But I need to know why?” Zayn demands. “I have done nothing to…”

“Exactly!” Liam bursts out, interrupting Zayn. “You have done nothing and you get to have all of this that we have worked so hard for!”

It’s hits Zayn like a train, Liam tone and his emotions coming out properly for the first time. And this, Zayn wants to call it something else, but it seems like it’s true, so he voices it.

“You’re jealous of me?!” He asks incredulously.

“No.” Liam scoffs. “You have nothing I could be jealous off.”

“Then…”

“You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.” Liam says, voice small and timid now. “This is hard, impossibly hard. We live on the edge of this glory,” he air quotes. “Every single day. You have to lie, pretend to be something that you’re not, hide the real you because people will never like you if you show them the truth.”

Zayn cringes now, he can see that Liam is not lying and there’s a sudden rush of pain in this chest when he looks at Liam that he can’t quite explain.

“You came here, slightly taken aback by all of it,” Liam continues. “You’re unsure how to act because you’re new, but you love it. You never want to leave again. But you don’t know how many things this job can take away from you, just so they could get the money.”

It’s quiet when Liam finishes. Zayn can feel the tension in his bones.

They’re both breathing hard and Zayn wishes he could sit down or move, but he can’t do that without touching Liam and he really doesn’t want to be any closer to this boy that has done nothing else than confuse him on a daily basis.

He tries to consider Liam’s words, tries to think of something clever to say, or something comforting, but Liam looks so resigned with everything that he just said that Zayn stays speechless and unsure of anything.

“You’re sorry for me, then?” He asks because fighting seems so stupid, but staying quiet would only increase awkwardness in this damn closet and you can already cut the tension with a knife.

Liam scoffs.

“Of course not.” He says. “I just wish you never came in the first place.”

“What are you afraid of, Liam?” Zayn is the one who raises his voice now. “That I’m going to take something away from you? That I’m going to be better than you? Take your fans and your money away? I won’t do that. I’m just an ordinary backup singer, Liam. I’m nothing and I’m always gonna be that compared to you, unfortunately.’’ He feels guilty for how hurt Liam looks by these words, but he’s been hurt as well and he needs to get it out. “So calm your tits, your highness. I’m not gonna steal nothing from y...”

He’s about to finish when the door slide open. Both of them look over and…

There’s a lady in her cleaning uniform holding a broom in one hand and she’s looking from Liam to Zayn and then to Liam again.

“Got lost, boys?” She says, her accent thick and a teasing tone in her voice.

“Locked in.” Liam explains. “Thank you.” He says and he’s already sliding out, Zayn in tow.

Liam doesn’t look back, just walks and Zayn follows him without a word.

They stomp away outside to the cars, avoiding the dressing room completely. The driver is waiting for them outside and they get in the back, Liam on one side of the car and Zayn on the other.

It’s a quiet ride, but exhausting one as well because Zayn still feels like he’d been punched in the gut.

He sighs when the hotel comes into view.

 

* * *

 

 

The lobby is almost empty, except for Paddy, Liam’s security guard and the receptionist.

“I’m not even gonna ask where you were.” Paddy lifts his hands in defeat as they come up to him.

“Louis.” Is the only thing that Liam offers, but Paddy seems to catch on what happened and Zayn is quite impressed.

“I’m gonna kick Tomlinson’s ass one of these days.” Paddy says while digging through his pockets and taking out a room key. “Keys.”

He hands one to Liam and.

That’s it.

“You’re sharing, by the way.” Paddy adds, barely containing a laugh when he sees the expression that Liam’s and Zayn’s faces provide.

Zayn is about to protest, he really is. Because there’s no fucking sense with spending the night in the same room with a person that hates you the most.

It’s a really, really bad idea. And he’s about to say it, but…

“Come on.” Liam says without even turning to face him.

“Um, I don’t...”

“The other rooms are already occupied and they don’t have time to look for another room just to satisfy our wishes. Now come on.” Liam adds and Zayn’s mouth snaps shut as he follows wordlessly into the lift.

He really doesn’t want to do this, but.

They’re quiet all the way to the room and Liam unlocks the door in silence, opening the door and stepping inside of the room, not even bothering with the lights.

Just as Zayn steps in and closes the door, he turns around to step further into the room when he slams into Liam.

It’s like the first time and Zayn breath catches again, because today, Liam already knows who he is and he’s already pissed at him. The last thing Zayn needs right now is fighting with him even more than they already did earlier. But Liam is different this time.

His expression doesn’t show anger, like before. This time, it’s something unreadable flashing across his face as the moonlight throws shadows over the room. It’s a quiet statement in his eyes that Zayn wants to ask about, but his voice dies in his throat as Liam removes his hand from Zayn’s hip where he stopped him from stumbling further and speaks up.

“Invade every corner of my life.” He says and there’s almost a hint of smile on his lips, the corners tugging upward, but he turns away before Zayn can see even a glimpse of it turn into something sad, judging by his eyes.

He disappears into the bathroom a moment later, leaving Zayn stock still.

What did Liam mean with that? And why would he say it in that tone?

Zayn has no idea.

He hears Liam shuffling in the bathroom and he decides that it’s been enough for one day. He seriously can’t handle more. That’s why he only bothers taking off his jacket and his shoes before falling into one of the beds, exhausted.

He’s asleep before he can even hear Liam come out of the bathroom.

And on the border of sleep he realizes that what Liam said might have been the answer to the million of questions that Zayn asked while being in that closet.

He’s afraid that Zayn might invade every corner of his life.

Zayn has no idea what he meant by it, or what to do with that knowledg.

And sleep takes over him before he can give it a proper thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos if you like it so far. :) xx


	5. It's in the air, I know you feel that too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not promising anything, but I'm gonna give it a go. xD  
> Enjoy!! :*  
> p.s. Missed you all tremendously, babes. :D <3 !

Another town. Another concert that Zayn will remember, but like Louis promised, they start to fade soon after, when you realize that another one, just the same, is coming up next.

He is still trying to get used to the idea of being on the stage, though. It’s not that easy to act confident and to do your best when all you’ve ever been is a shy boy, lost in his sketch book and thoughts of leading this life. He still needs time to wrap his mind completely about the fact that this is in fact not a dream, but reality that he gets to live in.

But he did get used to it, in a way. He already knows what will happen before it does and he’s ready for everything that awaits on the stage. And Louis was right about this when he said that the nervous pit in his stomach will get drowned by screams and the lights and the endless amount of people that come to see them perform.

This is still not it, though.

He still hasn’t seen the stadiums or the big arenas that the band performs in.

If he’s being honest, he thinks that he might never get used to that.

That’s why he holds on for dear life to these boys that have been through all of this before and he tries to breathe.

Tonight, it’s buzzing a little less in his ears as they get off stage. His blood flows more freely and he doesn’t look like a deer caught in the headlights, causing Louis to laugh at him like he always does after a show.

Nervous sweat clings to his forehead and his back and he shivers slightly as cold air hits him when they go into the backstage.

As always, there are at least a hundred people running around doing endless chores. He can see Caroline trying to fit Harry into a shirt that he refuses to wear stating that _it’s not his style_ , and Zayn smiles at the way he seems so petulant and childish.

He concentrates on Niall’s laugh that fills his senses, instead of the shouts and pointless conversations of the crowd around him.

Niall is bent over, blush staining his cheeks and he’s laughing at the way Louis runs away from security making a complete mess of everything that’s in his way as he dodges skillful hands that keep trying to grab him.

Zayn grins, because yeah, _Louis is a little bastard_.

And he cocks his head as he thinks it over. A _tornado_ fits better over his tongue.

Since the first day, Louis has been the most restless thing he has ever seen in his life. Not even his youngest sister is this childish, happy and full of energy.

But it’s quite fitting, in Zayn’s opinion.

He’s sipping on some weird drink that they handed over to him, craving a cigarette and sleep to recover a little bit when he hears his name being called out.

“Malik?”

He turns his head to where the most of the staff seems to be standing in a small circle and he moves towards it, curious.

“Zayn?” The voice says again.

They let him pass through immediately.

“I’m here.” He says as he gets in the middle of the circle. “What…”

It makes him stop in his tracks, the glare that he gets from Liam. He has the urge to back away and he’s sure that he does cringe slightly, but he holds his place as one of the paramedics sitting next to Liam speaks up.

“As I have understood, the two of you share a room. Is that right?” She asks, looking straight at Zayn, her green eyes demanding an answer and Zayn nods at her, but his eyes never leave Liam’s.

His posture is weird, Zayn observes. He looks small and fragile, instead of buffy and strong like the usual. That guard is still on, though and the glare that he sends Zayn’s way doesn’t falter even for a second.

“Liam here,” the paramedic says. “Has gotten sick.”

Zayn notices it then, and yes, Liam’s puffy cheeks look feverishly red and his eyes are red as well, tears forming on the edges, probably from the temperature.

“He’s gotten the right treatment already, but there’s a chance that it doesn’t work immediately.” The woman says. “We are going to be there in case he needs us, but I think there isn’t going to be problems.”

Zayn nods, not understanding why any of this is his concern.

“On the other hand,” she continues. “Since you’re rooming with him, I need you to check up on him every once in a while and take care of him.”

Zayn’s eyes widen at the same moment Liam huffs out a petulant ‘ _no way_ ’.

The woman ignores both of them.

“Don’t let him move too much and help him get to the bathroom if he needs it, because he’ll probably get a little delirious from the temperature and the pills that we gave him.”

Zayn pauses a little before nodding, unsure and Liam must see it as a rejection before he sighs out a hot breath.

“I can take care of myself.” He blurts out and tries to get up, but as soon as he gets up on his feet, his knees start to tremble.

Zayn moves before he even knows what’s happening. It just seems like an instinct, an obligation. He catches Liam before he has the chance to tumble down and the paramedic seems to be smug about the way Liam clenches his eyes shut as his arms go around Zayn’s neck to keep himself steady.

“You sure about that, love?” She asks teasingly and Zayn would grin at her if he didn’t find all of this uncomfortable, so he just sighs as she picks up her stuff and shuffles out of the room, leaving him with an armful of Liam.

“Can you walk?” Zayn asks as the crowd around them clears.

Liam huffs. “Obviously not.” He says, not even bothering to open his eyes.

Zayn sighs again.

“Come on, then.” He says, walking slowly with Liam clinging to him.

Paddy comes up to them, grimacing at the state of Liam.

“You look awful, boss.” He teases and Liam shrugs against Zayn, not yet bothering to open his eyes. “We’ll sneak the two of you out. Zayn, you help him. If someone sees the two of you, it’ll look like you’re cuddling and we won’t make a big fuss over all of it since the doctor said that it’s probably gonna be gone ‘til morning.”

Zayn groans slightly, but obeys. They shuffle out through the hallway and the back door. Even if it’s not much, there’s still people in the back, screaming and taking pictures so Zayn smiles politely, struggling to keep Liam steady.

“You didn’t have to say yes.” Liam whimpers out as Zayn practically drags him.

Zayn tries not to notice how Liam smells like deodorant and sweat, but it’s so dizzying that it makes everything fuzzy.

“You weigh a tone.” He says instead and the last thing that he expects is that Liam would burst out laughing, but he still does. His whole body shakes with it and even Zayn can feel it. “What the hell did they give you, mate?”

“I don’t know. Everything keeps spinning, though.” Liam giggles out and Zayn lifts his brow curiously.

“He’s lost it.” Zayn tells Paddy as they reach the car and he helps Liam, who is still giggling, inside before climbing in with him.

The whole ride to the hotel is spent in preventing Liam from falling asleep, even when he’s on the brink of it, because there is no way that Zayn is going to carry him up to their room.

No.

He doesn’t remember signing up for that.

When they finally arrive, it’s more than a bit hard to get Liam out of the car and into the hotel and Zayn struggles under the weight of the solid body that mostly hangs off him all the way up to the room.

He manages to sneak him in the same way as before, without anyone getting a good picture of Liam’s state before he basically storms into the room, dropping Liam onto it mercifully.

“Water.” Is the only thing that Liam manages to get out, all delusional and feverish and Zayn hurries into the bathroom to pour him in a glass before coming back to the room.

He climbs onto the bed next to Liam, helping him up and he brings the glass closer to Liam’s mouth carefully so that Liam doesn’t spill it or so he doesn’t choke on it.

The sick man takes a generous sip from the glass before pulling back slightly. He falls onto the silky pillows, eyes falling shut, but he keeps mumbling something that Zayn can’t quite understand.

It worries him a little bit, because Liam might be asking for something else, so he leans forward, invading Liam’s personal space but he doesn’t care at the moment.

Nothing comes at first, so Zayn considers pulling away. At the last second, Liam’s right hand springs up to Zayn’s cheek and Zayn sucks in a sharp breath as he feels soft fingertips spreading across his skin and as Liam speaks up.

It’s barely a whisper, but Zayn still catches onto the words that leave Liam’s mouth.

He jerks back, shuffling away from the sick boy as he slowly falls back into a peaceful slumber, a hint of smile on pulling on his lips. Liam grunts before falling asleep immediately as his head touches the expensive pillows.

Zayn crouches down, sighing as he takes off his shoes and then he pulls the covers over his unconscious body.

He shakes his head, trying to shake off the nervous pit in his stomach as he tries to forget what Liam’s voiced.

Going to bed seems like the best idea at the moment, Zayn concludes.

He sighs before taking his own clothes off and he slides into the bed soundlessly.

He tries his best not to think about it, tries to convince himself that the best thing that he can do right now is to get some sleep before Liam wakes him up again in need of help, most likely not remembering what he said.

That’s why Zayn makes a decision not to think of it too much.

He doesn’t take the bed because that would mean that nothing could wake him up, even a sick Liam. Instead of that, he sits on the armchair next to the window and curls himself into a warm blanket praying that sleep comes before the haunting whispered beautiful that left Liam’s mouth.

He fights it off, because it makes no bloody sense and he might have heard wrong.

Listening to Liam’s deep breathing, he lets himself get lulled into sleep as well.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s always been so hard to wake him up and Zayn doesn’t deny it.

His mom swears she’s been to hell and back trying to wake him up for the past couple of years, but he can’t quite help it. Ever since he reached puberty and lost the boyish nervous need to get up early and use all the time that he can get to do some things, sleep has been the only thing no one has ever been able to deny him since he can properly remember things.

Except for this trick.

He shivers as he feels it, thinks of Safaa and home and the way she was the only one that knew how to wake him up slowly and gently.

Zayn can feel his body becoming more awake with each moment and he lets out a content sigh, letting himself enjoy another moment before he has to get back to the normal world.

Safaa knows that he needs a few minutes.

The hand running down his face doesn’t feel as his sister’s, though.

It’s too big to be a hand of his youngest sister, but there is certain softness in the way it caresses his cheek that makes it all feel too familiar and too different at the same time. The fingers that slowly trace the contours of his face are a bit calloused, but Zayn loves the warmness that they leave behind nonetheless.

He wills his eyes to blink open, slowly adjusting to the light in the room.

Somewhere deep he had a feeling about who it might be, but he refused to believe that this sort of gesture would come from the same person that has been torturing him for ages.

Liam stops moving his hand as Zayn’s eyes meet his own, but doesn’t pull away quite yet.

He looks so boyish with his hair disheveled from sleep, eyes still blinking away the light that keeps intruding on the warm golden shades, making them paler and more of light-brown color. Lips getting an angry shade of red as he still bites on them nervously. Liam looks so damn gorgeous in the morning, and quite breathtaking, even with the last night clothes hanging limply from his body.

It’s actually impossibly hard for Zayn to admit that, but hey.

It must be that he’s still not quite awake.

Liam must notice him staring for a bit too long because he jerks his hand back swiftly, clearing his voice before speaking.

“Management called. We have a meeting.” He says hoarsely, voice still thick with sleep.

He stands there, looking uncomfortable and ready to burst up in flames or something, Zayn thinks.

“You feel good enough to go?” Zayn asks, already getting up and regretting the decision to sleep in the armchair as his muscles start to protest in pain.

Liam nods in agreement and there’s a pause when Zayn thinks he might say something else, but Liam just turns around and heads for the bathroom without another word.

Zayn doesn’t even bother to think about it, opting to put some clothes on before Liam rushes out, demanding him to hurry it up.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn practically storms out after Liam when the meeting ends.

“Fucking idiot.” He keeps mumbling angrily to himself, but Liam seems to ignore him completely as he storms up the stairs to their hotel room, not even bothering to glance back at Zayn.

The meeting was quite hectic, Zayn thinks, although he’s sure that he hasn’t said more than two sentences through the whole thing.

Liam kept talking, though. Shouting, to be more exact.

Their management team called in just the two of them saying that they had a very important issue to discuss with them. It turned out to be a very stupid thing to talk about for an entire hour, if Zayn’s being honest, but none of the things in this job are normal, if he is being honest.

They said that the fans and the media have noticed quite a bit of hatred between Liam and Zayn.

Liam’s head shot up so fast, Zayn thinks he might’ve actually broken his neck. Zayn kept quiet, astonished and slightly annoyed of why it would be any of their concern.

They were demanding that the two of them solve it very quickly or another problem might arise and that was not in their interest. Zayn knows he sounded like a little bitch when he asked how the hell were they supposed to do it, but he didn’t really care.

That’s when the mess started.

The team proposed for them to spend the upcoming break mostly together, so they could look more like two friends than like two people that are ready to bite each other’s heads off.

The only thing that Zayn remembers about the rest of the meeting was Liam’s sharp: “No bloody way!” before he started shouting while walking around the office.

Zayn didn’t even bother to listen in properly on the rest, knowing that everything that Liam says about the case won’t be anything new.

At the end, everything became deadly quiet.

Zayn was in his chair, pale and highly pissed off, Liam stayed in the corner of the room looking ready to burn into flames any second from the way how red in the face he was.

One of the women in the team stood up and told them to get to an agreement or face consequences.

Liam huffed out another curse before leaving the office, Zayn in tow.

The whole ride back to the hotel was tense and quiet, none of them giving in first.

Once inside, Liam headed straight to their room while Zayn managed to convince Paddy to sneak him outside for a much needed smoke.

He tried to drown the worry with the sweet nicotine in his veins, but it wasn’t very efficient.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn takes a deep breath before opening the door to the hotel room.

He finds Liam in there, as expected.

The other man is packing, storming furiously through the room as he throws in his stuff into his bag. He ignores Zayn completely, not even bothering to show that he’s aware of his presence.

Zayn sighs.

“We need to talk about this.” He tries. Liam only seems to get even more aggressive while packing, making Zayn uncomfortable and impatient. “You’re not solving anything by acting like a spoiled brat, Liam. You know we…”

“What?!” Liam says exasperatedly, startling Zayn a bit. “What the hell do you think is the solution to this? Neither one of us wants to spend the break with the other, so what do you want me to do right now?” He says, taking a deep breath. “I’m fucking pissed off.”

“So am I.” Zayn retorts angrily. “But you’ve obviously got to suck it up, mate.”

Liam looks feverish at the moment, but in a completely other way than when actually had a fever. His eyes are narrowed at Zayn, lips in a tight line, shoulders drawn back, his pose defensive like Zayn is going to attack him any time.

“What did you plan for the break?” Liam asks, voice firm and cold. “I guess I’m just gonna go home, surprise my mom since she doesn’t know about the break yet. And…”

“No you’re not.” Liam interrupts him with a sigh.

“Why not?” Zayn asks, crossing his arms defensively.

Liam sighs again, annoyed. “I already have three plane tickets to go home,” He starts. “One for me, one for Paddy and one for someone else out of security that they gave me. You’re gonna take the last one and go home with me tonight instead of going to Bradford.”

“Whoa, whoa.” Zayn stops him. “Why would we go to see your family instead of mine? Why is that more important?” He asks petulantly.

“Because my family is already expecting me since they know about the break since the tour started and your family doesn’t even know. If you’ll be such a dick to deny this from my mother, I advise you to call her yourself and tell her the news because I’m sure as hell not gonna be the one to tell her and make her cry over the damn phone.” Liam says, eyes red like he’s keeping in angry tears and Zayn’s throat constricts.

It’s an inner battle, actually.

He longs for home and his siblings, especially his mother, but he puts himself in Liam’s shoes. And he doesn’t make it about them, but Liam’s mom.

If he had told his mom that he was coming home, and if he had to call her to tell her that he won’t be coming after all, he knows her heart would break. And Zayn has heard many stories how sensitive Karen Payne is when it comes to her only son from Louis, Harry and Niall.

“I know you don’t want to spend time with strangers, but…” Liam starts up, his voice softening a little, but Zayn interrupts him again.

“You’re all strangers to me since the beginning of this thing and look how good I’ve been handling it.” He points out.

Liam actually manages to give him an incredulous look that soon turns into a sudden smirk that kind of blows the air out of Zayn’s lungs, but he’ll deny it.

“Yeah, mate. You’re doing a great job.” Liam says and Zayn gives him a petulant look that makes Liam talk through a laugh. “Smashing it.”

“I am, excuse you.” Damn Louis and his phrases. “I’ll go, though.” Zayn adds and Liam nods in some form of agreement, or maybe gratitude.

“Pack, then.” Liam says, gesturing to his bag. “We’re leaving in an hour.”

“My bag’s already done.” Zayn retorts. “Gonna go say goodbye to the rest of the guys while you finish up.” He adds and leaves Liam alone in the room, not waiting for a response.

 

* * *

 

 

“Afraid of flying?” Liam asks from the seat next to Zayn.

Zayn sneers at the smirk on his face, trying to calm his breathing before as the plane shakes a little.

“It’s getting better.” He shots back, ignoring Liam’s grin.

There’s a pause before Liam speaks up.

“Afraid of how my family might turn out to be?”

Zayn actually manages to laugh at this.

“I’m sure that they can’t be that bad.” Zayn shrugs. “I mean, there can only be one major asshole in your family and you’ve already got that covered, so I have nothing to worry about.” He beams at Liam just as he’s rolling eyes.

“I’ll take it as a compliment of best sort.” Liam tells him and Zayn fakes a cringe attack.

“You really shouldn’t, mate.”

“Oi! Shut up and watch ye damn film, ‘m trying to get me sleep.” Paddy yells from behind them.

It’s not an order, but it still makes them mostly quiet for the rest of the flight and it’s a good thing because Zayn can’t calm his nerves and fight Liam at the same time.

Because as much as he tries to dismiss it, he’s quite nervous about what might happen in Wolverhampton.

And damn Liam shows no signs of that, sleeping all through the flight.

Zayn fucking hates him. Or at least he tells himself that all the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos if you like it, please and throw in a comment as well if you're in the mood. ;)


	6. Hard to resist temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we start over? <3

Zayn has never been a fan of small cities, cramped with people that refuse to leave because they don’t know better. His own hometown has always been a place where he felt all choked up, wounded and wrong. An outcast, really.

He didn’t expect to find anything different here either.

Wolverhampton is almost the same, with the smaller houses a few buildings that look like they have been there for a while, people rushing everywhere like they’re going to be late if they don’t bump into few others on their way. It reminds him too much of home.

Liam, though. He looks like he won a fucking prize as he stares out the window as they drive to his house. His eyes crinkle in the corners and his lips form a helpless grin as he takes in everything around them. And there’s something in his expression that Zayn can’t quite explain, some kind of emotion that he can’t understand, because it feels so strange.

Zayn, on the other hand, feels uncomfortable and unsure.

Meeting Liam’s family is something that has his blood going a little cold in his veins. He’s not sure what to expect. Judging how big of a jerk Liam is to him, his family might turn out to be the same and turn his back on him. And it’s not like Zayn needs their approval or anything. He just needs to know that he’ll feel fine once they settle in, because he’s not going to spend a week with some psycho family just for the thrill of it.

He realizes that he’s going to find out soon, because in no time, their car stops in front of a house and he knows this is it by how Liam sighs happily next to him.

“C’mon.” Liam orders quietly and they get out of the car while Paddy gets their stuff from the trunk.

The house is pretty, Zayn has to admit. It looks vintage and lived in, decorated by endless tiny garden figures and different flowers and Zayn smiles, because this might mean that Liam’s mother is a gentle woman and that she might be nice about this whole thing.

There’s a completely clichéd swing in the porch and a chair made of straws beside it and he imagines a man and a woman sitting there while spending the evening together after a long day. He can’t help but smile at the image.

He feels like he’s only getting stared on his analysis, but it’s interrupted when the door suddenly opens and he sees a tiny blond woman running over the porch, down the small set of stairs and straight into Liam’s arms.

He catches her instantly, with almost no effort and holds onto her tightly as she cries her happy tears.

“Baby…” She squeaks out, pulling back a little to look at Liam who only smiles at her. She takes his face in her hands to get a proper look at her son.

“Mom, don’t cry.” Liam admonishes.

She waves him off. “Oh, shut it boy, that’s what I do all the time.”

“I know.” He says knowingly but full of affection.

The woman’s attention turns to Zayn then he can _feel_ himself getting a little paler.

“And who is this lovely boy?” She asks, already going towards him while Zayn stands there like a wax figure.

“Zayn, the.. Dad!” Liam explanation is interrupted as his father comes up to him, engulfing him in a huge, firm hug.

Zayn doesn’t pay much intention to them because is being pulled into a hug as well.

“Welcome, Zayn.” Karen says into his neck. “Any friend of Liam is more than welcome in our home.”

Zayn relaxes in her arms helplessly at the warmness of her arms and of her tone. “Thank you ma’am.”

He shakes Liam’s father’s hand while Karen gives Paddy a hug too, but he just smiles at her and hugs back.

“Why don’t we all come inside? Paddy, come on?” Karen calls out, but the bodyguard shakes his head.

“Gotta run some errands before that, I’m afraid. But I’ll see you ‘round dinner.” He says.

Karen sighs. “Fine, but don’t be late. Dinner’s at seven. I can’t have a man that takes care of my son so well be hungry for longer than needed.”

Paddy grins in response and waves at them before leaving.

Geoff, Liam father, helps them with luggage and they go upstairs to settle in first because Karen informs them that the house will soon be flooded with Liam’s closest family and friends.

Great, Zayn thinks, more people to meet. He’s very socially awkward and he feels slightly anxious about all of this, but he still knows it had to be done.

Karen shows him around the house and tells him that he’s be getting her daughter’s Ruth’s old bedroom that’s next to Liam’s, so they can be close in case he needs something.

Zayn would prefer the basement in that case, but he’s not going to complain to this wonderful woman. She makes him feel at ease, he must admit. There’s something about her that makes him think of his own mother, how careful and lovely she is as well.

He follows her around helplessly, leaving Liam with his father because he doesn’t want to intrude on them, seeing how much they missed each other.

 

* * *

 

It baffles him, how familiar but also different all of this seems.

Zayn also has a big family and that is an amazing thing.

Liam’s house is overflowing with his siblings and there’s so much energy and it’s all _electrifying._ Liam’s sister Nicola is one of the coolest people he’s ever met and her beaming smile and sincere, loud laugh can actually match Niall’s and that’s very hard to achieve.

Her little daughter keeps sliding into Zayn’s lap and don’t get him wrong, he’s always found children interesting, but only from afar. He’s never been quite comfortable with them in his arms, with this proximity where he doesn’t quite know what to do with them. And Clara just sits there and looks happily at him and he can’t help the way his lips form a helpless grin and he bends down to drop a kiss or two into her honey-brown curls.

“She’s never like that with strangers.” Karen had said, petting her pretty hair as she passed by and Ruth had added: “She must really like you, Zany,” with this teasing tone in her voice, making Zayn blush and duck his head, hiding behind Clara’s head as he cradled her to his chest.

He practically _feels_ when Liam’s gaze shifts onto him and he jerks his head up.

Liam’s eyes keep switching between Zayn and his niece and there’s an undeniable smirk playing on his lips, like he’s _proud_ of her for leaving Zayn speechless and uncomfortable.

But also, Zayn watches Liam, most of the night.

He can’t help himself.

Liam’s so _different_ , is the thing. He’s so _approachable_ and friendly. Not what Zayn’s used to. He watches Liam communicate with his friends, admiring how selfless and carefree he looks.

His friend Andy goes on and about everything and anything that will make Liam’s family laugh all while Liam blushes sweetly through all the embarrassing stories that he tells. He hides his blush behind the palm of his hands, but Zayn sees it spreading all the way down his neck until all he sees is deep red color crawl over Liam’s honey skin.

With time passing, Zayn keeps up a lazy banter with most of the family members and he relaxes a little, finally breathing a little easier.

When he notices Clara ready to fall asleep right there in his arms, he hands her over to her mom, excusing himself before he heads outside.

No matter how easier the night got, his body craves fresh air and his lungs scram for nicotine.

As soon as he’s out, he lights up, letting the thick smoke crowd his lungs before breathing the rest of it out.

 

* * *

 

 

He didn’t stay out on the porch.

Something much more powerful inside of him made him get out on the street before he started walking around aimlessly around the neighborhood.

He fits his tongue on the roof of his mouth as he tries his best not to think about anything. His spare cigarette dangling from between his fingers, but he refuses to light it up.

 _Not yet_.

There’s an unsettling energy inside of him making him feel uneasy.

He wishes he could’ve been home now, instead of here. Yes, Liam’s family had been more than welcoming, but Zayn still misses his own. He wants to know how his father had dealt with all of this, being the only man in the family now and being on the verge of coming back to his addiction. He wonders if Safaa bothers Doniya in the mornings instead of him, or if Waliyha still gushes over that boy from her class.

He’d like to know if his mom thinks of him in times like this, when all he craves is a reassuring hug from her, a kiss on the cheek and a sweet, calming voice that promises good things for him against his neck. Does she know he misses her so much that it’s actually starting to hurt every time he calls her? That it’s easier not to call on most days, then?

Zayn hopes that she doesn’t, because it would break her heart, he thinks. But he can’t help it.

He doesn’t fight it anymore and lights up the cigarette, letting the smoke clear ( _or fog_ ) his thoughts again.

His phone goes off in his pocket, interrupting further thoughts and he grins at the screen after he pulls it out of his pocket.

“Haz.” He answers, grin on his face that turns into a tiny frown as screeching and laughing come from the other side of the line.

“Zayn!” He can hear Harry in the distance, but it’s Louis who sounds closer to the phone as he speaks up.

“Malik, good lad!” Louis exclaims and Zayn laughs helplessly.

“Pissed again, Tommo?”

Louis huffs on the other side of the line. “Of fucking course.” He hiccups and Zayn can hear Harry and Niall laughing in the distance. “Just wanted to check up on you.”

“Yeah.”

“Is everything fine? Is Lili treating you nicely?” He says in his best porn voice and everybody cracks up even more.

“You’re a monster,” is Zayn’s response.

“And Li’s a beast,” Louis retorts. “You could check it up tonight wh…”

Zayn rolls his eyes so far he can see his brain.

“Never in a million years, Tommo. So sod off.”

“You no fun.”

“Go drink your beer and fuck off.”

“Kiss my ass, mate. ” Louis sounds too happy. “Or go kiss Payno and tell us how it went. You two could get really cozy now. After all, he took you to meet his parents.” Louis teases and Zayn face palms.

“Don’t swing his way.” He says flatly, but he feels a jab deep in his stomach, like he told the biggest lie ever.

He didn’t, that’s the thing. He despises Liam Payne and his stupid ego, his lack of sense of humor and the way he looks down on Zayn. If he thought he was hot in some way definitely didn’t mean that he would ever want something to do with him.

“The fuck you don’t.” Louis spits. “You two could…”

“Night, bitch.” Zayn says and hangs up.

He doesn’t know what the fuck is wrong with Louis and why did he even bring this up.

Zayn approaches the Payne family home soon and doesn’t give much thought to it.

The air is a bit chilly and if he’s being honest, he’s probably going to excuse himself soon in front of the family and head up to the room. His body aches from the flight and the ride and he really wants to get some sleep.

Rushing into the house, he stops in his tracks when he sees a familiar figure.

He doesn’t expect anyone sitting on the porch and waiting for him.

There Liam is, smiling goofily at a little husky pup while the dog jumps around happily around him, playing with Liam.

“Whose is it?” Zayn breaks the silence after he most definitely _doesn’t stare_ at the scene for a second too long.

Liam’s head jerks up in surprise but as soon as he sees Zayn there a grin washes over his face, _and Zayn bloody doesn’t expect that._ Liam never reacts like that to him.

“Mine.” He says simply, cradling the puppy in his hands. “Loki, stop.” He giggles Loki licks his face happily and Liam puts him down again.

Zayn has a tiny lump in his throat, but he’s stubborn enough to ignore it.

He kneels down and lets the pup pad over to him so he can pet him as well.

“Hey beautiful.” Zayn says as the dog licks at his palms, biting, but never too harsh.

It’s quiet for a while and Zayn is too hypnotized by the dog to pay attention to anything else, especially the way Liam looks at him with an unreadable expression on his face, mouth slightly agape and brow furrowed as he’s lost in thoughts.

The night is unusually quiet, except for distinct sound of voices coming from the inside of the house and it’s _nice_ , for a change. Zayn doesn’t ever feel like this around Liam.

“Why’d you leave?” Liam breaks the silence.

Zayn looks up at him, blinking a few times, like he forgot Liam was there in the first place.

“Um, went out for a smoke.” Zayn explains and Liam nods. “Why did you?” Zayn bothers to ask.

Liam looks unsure of his answer, _or doesn’t know how to say it in front of Zayn._

“I’m happy that I’m here.” Liam says firmly looking Zayn straight in the eyes and Zayn nods in spite of his curiosity. “But every time I come here,” Liam continues, looking down at his feet, “a few hours pass and I just want to be gone for a while.” He sighs frustratingly. “You’ll get it to, this feeling.” He tells Zayn. “You’ll be so happy to come home and see everybody that you missed for so long, and then you’ll want to be gone again. Before you get too used to it, knowing you have to leave again.” He finishes with a cold, sad note in his voice and Zayn flinches.

“I already do.” He confesses and Liam gives him a look. “I don’t call my mom so often anymore ‘cuz it reminds me that I can’t actually be there.”

Liam nods like he understands and they’re quiet again. It’s quite _settling_.

“It might not be such a bad idea to have you here after all.” Liam says, blush crawling up his neck and Zayn smirks.

“’ That so?” He asks, suffocating on _something_ that’s sat in his throat, but he covers it up before Liam notices, grinning like a maniac, because he can’t believe Liam just said that.

Liam notices the change in his tone before his expression turns into something bored, but totally fake.

“Oh shut the fuck up.” He spits, before he gets up to pick Loki up and storms inside of the house, but not before Zayn catches his own smile.

And Zayn has to _breathe_ because he doesn’t even know what’s happening to him anymore. All he knows that being around Payne’s, around _Liam_ , feels like nothing he ever imagined and it baffles him. It makes him feel out of place in which he’s sure that he was before he came here.

He gets up, dusts himself off from sitting on the floor before going inside.

 

* * *

 

 

_What even is Liam Payne?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think? Should I keep this up? All the love to you, reader.


	7. Am I keeping you awake?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me for the end? :') <3

Coffee wakes him up this morning and if he’s being honest, he’d rather that instead of grumpy Liam telling him to _get the fuck up or he’s gonna carry him downstairs_.

It’s smells so good and _warm_ that Zayn easily opens his eyes and after stretching for a few minutes in Ruth’s comfy bed, he gets up and puts on his old sweatpants and a simple black T-shirt before climbing downstairs.

As soon as he enters the kitchen, he’s greeted by Karen’s warm smile.

“Mornin’.” He murmurs and grins sheepishly as she giggles at him.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” She greets, motioning for him to come forward. “Why don’t you take a seat right there,” she gestures towards one of the chairs at the counter “and I’ll pour you in some coffee.”

Zayn nods and goes to do as he was told as Karen rushes to bring him coffee just like she promised.

She comes back with a thick green mug and Zayn knows his coffee will get colder soon in one of these and he _loves it_.

“Do you feel comfortable here, Zayn?” She asks all of a sudden. “Everyone treating you nicely?”

Zayn nods immediately. “Absolutely. I am very happy to be here, to be honest.” He says, which earns him a toothy grin half hidden behind blond strands of hair.

“Didn’t think you would, right?” She asks and turns to him, challenging look on her face and Zayn cringes a little.

“Um…” He tries but stutters.

“It’s okay, love.” She assures him, smiling even wider. “I’ve noticed that you and my Liam don’t actually go along very well.”

“You have?” Zayn can’t help but ask, his voice unsure.

She nods.

“Yeah. The two of you haven’t properly spoken a word to each other since you came here and you keep tip-toeing around one another like someone’s gonna turn into a poodle of goo if you take the wrong step.”

Zayn can’t believe she noticed, but she’s a mother after all. He knows that his own mom notices some things about him when nobody else would even if he screamed it out.

“Plus,” she adds “The two of you aren’t that good of actors.” And Zayn can only blush, feverish a little.

“I’m sorry.” Zayn says, not even knowing why. “You shouldn’t be in the middle of that. Liam and I should take care of that on our own.”

Karen frowns. “I know it’s probably none of my business, but what is going on?” She asks. “I have never seen Liam like this.”

Zayn sighs.

“Liam doesn’t.” He fidgets a little, nervous. “He doesn’t think it was a good idea to bring me into the band, even if I’m not that big of a deal.” Zayn explains and Karen looks wary. “He hasn’t been quite welcoming from the start. Instead of that, he’s treated me really, really bad. And to be honest, I haven’t been much better, either.” He admits.

“But how come you’re here then, together?”

“Honestly?” Zayn doesn’t really ask, but Karen nods nonetheless. “The management forced us to spend some time together, here or at my parent’s place in Bradford. They think that we’re gonna put our differences aside after this and maybe get on better.”

Karen looks uneasy and Zayn feels guilty.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have told you this. Liam’s gonna kill me.”

She giggles suddenly and Zayn startles a little bit.

“We won’t tell him, then.” She says and Zayn gives an inquiring look. Karen just shrugs at him. “I don’t think that you boys will stay like this. Just look at how good you two get on with the rest of the boys. You can only hate each other for so long, before you realize that it was just foolishness and you haven’t knew each other good. And that’s the reason you misjudged each other.” Karen explains and Zayn sighs. “You’re going to be fine. This will be good for you. I know for sure that you’ll see Liam differently once you go back.”

Zayn nods helplessly, because she’s right.

“I think I already do, in some way.” He admits. “I can see how he acts completely differently around his family and in his own house than on the road. I mean, the boys are some kind of family, too, but he’s still not the same.” Zayn says. “He’s more comfortable, carefree here.”

“He’s more like himself, love.” Karen interrupts his monolog, drawing his attention back to her. “I’m gonna let you in some little things that you probably didn’t find out about him over Internet and magazines.”

Zayn nods. “I’m listening.”

“Liam didn’t always have it easy.” She starts. “He was a lovely kid, my little lion. Always happy and willing to help anyone and do everything, but that had cost him a lot. Kids in school used him because of that, for all sorts of things. And on top of that, they bullied him quite a lot.” She says with a sad expression on her face and something horrendous crawls into Zayn’s stomach, making him nervous as he keeps on listening. “I can’t even count the times when my son came home looking all sad and _broken_ from how bad things have gotten a few times.”

There’s an unreadable expression on her face and Zayn has a big lump in his throat, because this is _Liam_ that we’re talking about here.

He looks so buffy and strong now that Zayn can’t picture it in his head, Liam being bullied and tossed around and whatnot.

“The audition was his dad’s idea.” Karen continues, fidgeting before she sighs and sits next to Zayn, leaving what she was doing before he came into the kitchen. “It was a chance for Liam to make something of himself, to get away from this horrendous city and people.” She grins at Zayn. “We never thought that he would make it this big. But we were so happy about it and so was he.” She pauses, taking Zayn’s hand and he grips it just as tightly.

“It was still very hard for him to leave, though. I’ve never seen him struggle so much to do something.” Karen admits. “He always thought that he was going to finish school and do some work with his dad so he could help around the house. He just wanted to be good enough for us, _for everyone else._ He just wanted to please. And,” she sighs, “I don’t know what’s gotten into him that he’s acting like that with you, but it must be something that has him very nervous.”

“It must be something really bad with me, then.” Zayn interrupts, looking down at the floor. “If Liam’s not as bad as I thought him to be, I must be the problem. And I don’t know what to do about that.” He looks up at her. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

Karen only smiles at him.

“Hush, love.” She admonishes. “It’s not you. It’s probably Liam and knowing him, he’s not sharing it with anyone. He does that a lot, keeps quiet about things that bother him. Not quite a sharing type, a little bit like his daddy.” She rolls her eyes and Zayn grins helplessly.

“It’s going to be fine.” Karen assures him. “You’re going to work it out.” Zayn just nods in response.

Their further talk is interrupted when Nicola opens the door and Clara runs in enthusiastically into the house almost screeching when she notices Zayn.

“You’re still here!” She practically yells, before launching herself into Zayn’s arms and he laughs out loud before picking her up and throwing her into the air before catching her again.

“Hi, pretty.” He says and she giggles, hiding her blushing face into his neck.

“Hello, Zany.” Nicola comes up and he gives her a kiss on the cheek which she returns before ruffling her daughter’s hair. “She just loves you. She kept talking about you last night.”

“Yeah?” Zayn asks Clara and she nods, still blushing. “You wanna show me what you brought with you while your mom and your grandma finish up in here?”

“Yes! I brought my sharpies with me so we can draw.”

“That’s awesome, c’mon.” He puts her down and she runs into the living room. Zayn smiles one last time at the women and follows her.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam’s P.O.V.

 

He’s not quite sure what wakes him up, if it’s the sun creeping slowly into his bedroom or the noise downstairs.

Liam sighs before getting up and he gets dressed slowly and then rushes into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He loves it here. The way this place feels, smells and sound completely like _home_ and he craved that for so long. Ever since he went on their first tour, really. He hasn’t really been home for that long. Their schedule it insane, he has to admit. But he still misses this.

Passing through the hallway slowly, he remembers three kids running in and out of their rooms making all the noise they could before his mom would come up and started running after them, giggling and tackling them to the ground. That was her tactic to shut them up, because she rarely yelled.

And that is what this hose reminds him of-love and peace. He never has peace on tour. It’s just endless screams and tears and pressure.

Liam adores his job, it’s what he always dreamed of doing, but the price that comes with it… He always asked himself if it was worth the money.

He comes down the stairs and hears Clara’s electric laugh that makes his lips turn upwards before he heads towards the living room.

He stops right on the entrance, because she not alone. Zayn’s right there, on the floor with her.

He looks like a child as well, sharpies in his hand, some ink smudged over his fingers and a sticky smile on his lips as Clara explains to him how she drew a mouse. There’s clean pieces of paper tossed around them, begging for a flick of Zayn’s wrist and a sharps edge of a pencil, because Liam can see the pieces that Zayn drew.

It baffles him a little, because he didn’t know Zayn could draw as well.

It’s unfair, he thinks. You can’t sing that well, draw like it’s all you were meant to do and on top of that look like you came straight out of a magazine.

_What?!_

No. Liam doesn’t know what he’s thinking. He doesn’t look at this guy _that way_. No way.

He doesn’t notice how Zayn looks so comfortable on that hard floor, lower lip caught in between his teeth as he draws endless lines over the paper, smudging the edges with his fingers. How he looks so concentrated with this, brow furrowed and the way his eyelashes throw a shadow over his cheekbones.

Liam doesn’t notice that.

“He’s quite pretty, isn’t he?” Liam startles a little at his sister’s hushed voice and his heart does a little dance in his chest.

He rolls his eyes at Ruth’s teasing grin. “If you’re into that.” Is all he says and Ruth winks at him.

“Are you?” She teases.

Liam huffs incredulously. “Not my type.” She cackles. “Shut up.” He admonishes before turning away and he practically runs into the kitchen with her teasing glance right on his tail.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn’s P.O.V.

 

They go out that night.

Liam’s friends insist on that because it’s not like Liam’s home all the time and they really miss him. And of course, they also insist that Zayn had the see some of the places that they go to with Liam.

Zayn can see that Liam isn’t very fond of the idea and that what he really wants is to spend the evening with his family, since they’re going back tomorrow, but Andy and the other’s don’t want to back down and Liam lets down his guard, accepting.

He shrugs Zayn’s way as some way to say ‘sorry’ in case Zayn didn’t want to go, but Zayn just shakes his head in response.

This is another chance for him to mend things with Liam. Who knows? Maybe drunken Liam will be friendlier than the sober one.

Well, he was right, in a way.

They went to Andy’s favorite place, some bar really close to Liam’s parent’s house and that ended up being a very good thing at the end of the night.

Liam’s friends were more than welcoming. Zayn never felt at this kind of ease around new people, but these guys were fun to be around and they kept telling stories about them and Liam that had Zayn bending over with his laugh and Liam face-palming while hiding his blush behind his hands.

That was also new. After a few pints and shots, Liam started acting differently. He was talking more, laughing even at Zayn’s jokes, telling his own stories and Zayn isn’t sure if it was the alcohol, but he was kind of _stuck_ , hanging on the silky tone of Liam’s voice and laugh.

The night was more than fun, he has to admit and it could have gotten down as one of the best nights out if only they knew the limit to their drinking.

Two hours in and Andy was practically dead in his chair, barely staying awake. Jordan keeps trying to tell Zayn a story how Andy and he wanted to go skinny dipping in his neighbor’s pool, but Liam was a party pooper that didn’t let them and Zayn tries to listen, but his brain is too fuzzy and fogged by all the alcohol and the fumes in the bar.

Liam is probably as drunk as Andy, but he seems much more awake. Not so coordinated, though. Last time he went to the bathroom, it took him 10 minutes to find a way back before he stumbled into his chair across from Zayn.

And he keeps taking glances at Zayn that make Zayn’s blood boil in his veins (that’s also part of the reason he got this trashed), and Zayn pretends not to notice, paying attention to Jordan as much as possible.

This goes on for about an hour before even Jordan is wasted and Zayn plays a parent, calling it a night.

Jordan took Andy home, thankfully in a cab, but Zayn refuses one.

He figures a little walk home might do Liam and him some good.

Not a good idea, though. Two steps in and Liam stumbles so hard, that he almost falls face down on the ground and Zayn catches him in the last moment.

“God, Liam. Help me out.” Liam groans in response, but straightens up. He swings one hand around Zayn’s neck while Zayn holds him around the waist, trying not to _fucking melt down_ , even if he doesn’t know why.

“We’re never gon’ get home like this.” Liam slurs out. “We’re too,” he hiccups and Zayn laughs helplessly earning a grin from Liam. “We’re too wasted, man.”

“A walk will do us some good.” Zayn assures him. “If your mom sees us like this, I’d die of embarrassment.”

Liam huffs. “Didn’t know you cared ‘bout that.”

“She’s a nice lady.”

“Not like me, right?” Liam asks, but Zayn opts for staying quiet, content that they’re approaching the house.

It really isn’t a long walk, only had taken a couple of minutes even with heavy Liam half-hanging off his neck, but Zayn feels much more awake.

He’s not so sure about Liam, though. He keeps stumbling, almost dragging Zayn with him, but he manages to keep him up, firm hand on Liam’s hip.

They stumble over the front lawn and Zayn keeps Liam steady while he unlocks the door to the house.

Liam turns to him, then.

There’s something dancing in his eyes, and Zayn’s breath hitches when Liam’s eyes bore into his own, making him a bit dizzy.

Liam swallows around nothing before speaking up and Zayn’s hands shake a little on Liam’s waist.

“Don’t you get it?” He asks and Zayn’s brow furrows.

“Get what?”

“Why I act like this towards you.”

Something breaks in Zayn and he rolls his eyes in response.

“You hate me, Liam. I understand.” Liam frowns, but before he gets a chance to speak up again, Zayn opens the door and ushers him inside.

He helps him up the stairs, ignoring the way Liam keeps a hold on his hand like his life depends on it. It takes some time, but they make it up.

Zayn pushes open the door to Liam’s room, guiding him towards it and opens the door to his own rushing into it with a whispered _‘good night’_ , but before he closes the door, Liam strides into his room.

He doesn’t even get the chance to ask what the hell Liam’s doing before Liam closes the door with a quite loud thump, pushing Zayn against it and trapping him between the door and his own body.

 _Too close_ , is all Zayn can think of as Liam and he share the body heat and their ragged breaths.

“What are you…”

“You don’t understand.” Liam huffs out right into Zayn’s face, interrupting him.

“And you’re gonna explain now, when your drunk?”

“Yeah.” Liam nods, more to himself, than Zayn. It’s almost too dark into the room for Zayn to see him, but he can make out some stuff and definitely _feel_ the rest. “The fact that I treat you like this has nothing to do with the fact that I hate you. Mate,” he laughs out “I don’t know you enough to hate you. All I know is that you’re way too happy with all of this. You’re so fucking satisfied and you don’t even see what this world does to you, how it destroys you slowly.”

He moves even closer, then, completely caging Zayn in. His hands on the each side of Zayn’s head, breath warm on his face, lips _almost there_ and Zayn can’t breathe.

“I wish I was still delusional with fame, happy with what I think I gained.”

“You’re jealous?” Zayn whispers out, shivering when Liam’s gaze falls down on his lips and he licks his mouth. Liam laughs at him, never looking away.

“Just sorry,” is Liam’s response.

Zayn knows that he should fight Liam on it, push him away and kick him out of his room, but because the alcohol makes him a little more brave ( _or stupid_ ):

“Did you have to tell me that in this position?”

He regrets it right away, when Liam looks back up into his eyes and Zayn knows that there will be a mean comeback to this when Liam’s hands sink down to his chest, grab his shirt…

What he doesn’t expect is when Liam leans in.

And he’ll always try not to but he always will hate the way _almost_ fits perfectly in between their lips when Liam’s a millimeter away from sealing their lips and someone knocks on the door.

They still their movements, but Liam doesn’t move away.

“Guys, be quiet.” Ruth says from the other side of the door. “You’ll wake ‘em up. Go to sleep.” She tells them before they hear her footsteps down the hallway.

Zayn’s heart sits high in his throat and he can feel Liam’s own where he grabbed his wrists at the sound of Ruth’s voice.

He doesn’t know what happens now.

Liam brushes his nose against his and his lips steal just a taste of Zayn’s before he finally lets him go and moves away.

Zayn feels a little cold when Liam silently slips out of his room when Zayn moves away from the door, but he knows that this is the best.

If he had kissed Liam, not only would things be more complicated, but Zayn would feel even more lost than he feels now.

That’s what Liam makes his feel, lost.

 _And dizzy_ , but he refuses to acknowledge that.

He lets out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding in before he sheds his clothes and heads to bed.

 

* * *

 

 

In the morning, Zayn doesn’t know how to feel or what to think.

He packs his bags and heads down into the kitchen where he finds Karen and Liam in a crushing hug. As soon as she notices Zayn coming in, she pulls him into one as well, and Zayn would lie if he said that it didn’t calm him down a little.

They all have breakfast together and Zayn keeps taking glances at Liam, but nothing happens. It’s like Liam’s totally oblivious to the previous night.

Okay, if he can, Zayn can do it as well.

When they’re due to leave, Karen gives them another hug, making Zayn promise to come again and Zayn ignores the way Liam glances his way, gives Karen a kiss on the cheek and nods in response.

Clara is the cherry on top of the cake, the way she makes everyone laugh when she smooches Liam and then Zayn on the cheek before she rushes back to her mom.

Zayn can’t help but blush and Liam can’t hide away his smirk as they get into the car and wave to everybody.

And as they drive towards the airport, Zayn knows that there’s this new tension around them, but he chooses to ignore it.

He doesn’t know what it took, but he managed to make a hole in Liam’s walls. And even if it cost him his sanity further on, he knows he can do it again.

He leans his head against the window, closing his eyes so he can doze off a little until they get to the airport.

What he doesn’t notice is that when he does that, Liam turns towards him and watches him all the way there, hands crossed over his chest and lower lip caught between his teeth, and that something still dancing in his eyes.

Like he’s trying to fight it, but it’s getting the best of him nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!! And thank you for reading, you're lovely as always. :)) oxoxoxo

**Author's Note:**

> Come to say hi on [Tumblr](http://doesmotherknowurwearingherdrapes.tumblr.com/) :D xx


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